Invalidating Each Other's Feelings - The Sneaky Ways You Do This To Each Other & How To Stop Episode 85
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 23 June 2020
⏱️ 37 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
So here you are, trying to share with your partner something that is important to you and something that you feel emotion around… Then they say something like: "you are overreacting, it's not that big of a deal", or even "that doesn't make sense!"
You immediately feel invalidated and maybe that your feelings don't matter, right? This causes many upsets and conflicts for couples and at the very least, disconnects you from love and understanding from your partner.
Today's topic came from a coaching session we had this week, in which we then posted this question to our couples community: "Do you ever notice that you feel your emotions are invalidated by your partner, what has you feel that way?" There were many replies and great examples of the words and actions that caused people to feel invalidated (we will cover a number of them).
From this episode you'll take away:
- What causes you to feel invalidated
- The 3 reasons why this is used as a defensive mechanism
- The new actions to take to keep from invalidating each other's emotions
Quotes:
"Yes there are universal truths, but there are also personal truths, for both you and your partner. What you BOTH are feeling right now are both true for YOU!" - Aaron
About Us:
We're The Freemans, your go-to couple for authentic and actionable relationship advice. Send us your relationship questions for the show with a DM on Instagram
Resources For Your Relationship:
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- Get 50% OFF The Couples Workshop (online home edition) to practice communication skills, resolve recurring disagreements, and connect more than ever!
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. Well, you will learn to implement non-boring |
| 0:05.7 | relationship skills so that you can become professional communicators, you can fight smarter, |
| 0:12.5 | you will overcome challenges even faster no matter what season or a challenge you find |
| 0:18.3 | yourself facing. And I am one of your host, Aaron Freeman. And I'm |
| 0:21.4 | Jocelyn Freeman. And welcome to this episode. If you are a new listener, or if you've listened |
| 0:26.8 | before, this will also apply. We used to have empowered couples guests. But now you're only going to |
| 0:32.8 | hear from us. Me and you. Why? Because we're going to take topics even deeper and so you can implement them |
| 0:39.9 | into your daily life and so that means that all of the topics come from where from our community |
| 0:45.4 | from DMs that we receive or our sessions and this actually this week came really it was |
| 0:52.9 | very prominent because in our sessions the last couple weeks, |
| 0:55.9 | a big topic has been about invalidating each other's feelings and all the sneaky ways that |
| 1:02.9 | you do that. So that's what we're going to cover today. And then how to not invalidate. |
| 1:06.5 | Because we noticed so many couples, both men and women, just feeling like, I feel like you invalidate |
| 1:11.7 | me. I feel like you disregard how I'm feeling. You make what I'm feeling wrong. And so what we did |
| 1:17.0 | was we took that main theme from our sessions and then we posted it both on Instagram and Facebook |
| 1:22.4 | and received many submissions and DMs of all the things that you say feel invalidating to you. So things like |
| 1:29.4 | this, because we ask, do you notice that you either are feeling invalidated by your partner or vice |
| 1:35.4 | versa? Do you notice when you're invalidating your partner? And some of the things that we heard back |
| 1:40.1 | from were, I feel invalidated when they laugh or change the subject. So it's like, you know what? |
| 1:46.2 | They don't even talk about it. They just change the subject altogether. Some other messages we |
| 1:50.2 | received were they say I overreact. They say that I always respond this way. Or they also said |
| 1:57.4 | it's when I react back to them. So this was an awesome person that said, I notice I'm |
... |
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