Maybe you've tried to affirm your spouse, but it feels like every time you do, he or she just isn't receptive.

They won't accept your good words. What's that about?

Well, I'm John Fuller along with Greg Smalley and his wife Aaron. They lead the focus

marriage team and we're going to hear just what that's about from Shanti Feldhahn and Dr Michael Seitzma. They've done a lot of

research on helping couples communicate and have a stronger marriage and here they are now

with Focus President Jim Daly. Let me tell, I actually used to be in that category.

I am a pretty...

You're a strong woman.

I am a strong personality, right?

If you don't mind me saying so, I you well enough you've known me for what 25 years

but it's who you are it is and and I I recognized two things right I recognized that A, as Dr Mike was saying, it's not my responsibility to make Jeff, for example, feel better about himself, right? That's something's something that is he was saying he has to work it out with God but I love one of the things that Dr Mike actually said as I was wrestling with this

In one of our meetings we did a lot of research meetings

basically about three or four hours every Wednesday for three years and in one of

those meetings I was like but how do I help him how do I help my husband I'm not

responsible and he said look think of it like he's out there fighting a battle and he's out there fighting a battle. And he's out there fighting a battle with this self

with him and his fear and he's got a lot of self-doubt right like a lot of

men and like we were talking about with a lot of women different types of self-doubt but a lot of self-doubt

He's out there fighting that battle and you can either give him ammunition to fight the battle well or you can be shooting at him.

And so it's like you're helping him or not.

And that to me was okay I can get behind that because it's still his responsibility and yet I recognize that I'm in a unique position as his wife called by God to try to be a partner to him in the way he needs.

This is sounding exactly right.

And then there's a problem called our flesh and triggers and you know what? I know the right thing to do. I don't feel like doing it right now.

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