If you want a problem, Joey Diaz will give it to you
The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament
Joey Coco Diaz
4.8 • 18.6K Ratings
🗓️ 16 September 2025
⏱️ 69 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt about how his feelings for Adam Sandler evolved once he met him, sending Facebook messages to the officers who arrested him, bleeding out of his nose at a Christmas party, how The Comedy Store is like prison and so much more!
SHOW NOTES
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | What's happening, beautiful people? |
| 0:01.7 | Uncle Joey here with my Jewish Cato Lee Syatt for another fun-filled episode of the church. |
| 0:09.3 | What is it? |
| 0:09.9 | New Testament. |
| 0:10.6 | New Testament. |
| 0:12.1 | Tuesday, the 16th of the month. |
| 0:14.1 | It's moving fast, people. |
| 0:15.5 | So get on the boat. |
| 0:16.6 | It's moving fast. |
| 0:18.0 | We're down to 14 more Mondays until Christmas. |
| 1:12.6 | And you're sitting there worried about, huh? please tell me that's right. That is right. How do you know that? Because there's a stupid tidbit that Yahoo put up about a month ago. So just doing the fucking math the last three weeks, I'm down to 14 Mondays. It's stupid. I would never say that. But when I read it, it simplified a lot of things in my life. You got 14 Mondays to get it together before the end of the year. Monday is the day. You feed the spirits. You pray. You thank God for giving you another week to be the ultimate warrior. And we got 14 of those. Do you still do the glass of water? Every Monday. Every Monday. How long have you been doing that? I didn't do nothing today. No? I really just lived for the spirits today. I didn't do nothing. How long have you done the glass of water? It's on three years old. Every Monday. For my father. But I have a couple glasses. I have glasses for his grandmother glasses. Vinny |
| 1:14.2 | have glasses. So you put a glass for |
| 1:16.6 | everybody who died. I'm |
| 1:18.6 | running out of fucking glasses. Dead! |
| 1:21.3 | Dead! Dead! I'm running out of fucking |
| 1:22.7 | glasses, what I'm saying to you. Oh. |
| 1:24.4 | I'm supposed to listen. |
| 1:26.6 | Listen, you have no idea what the Cubans do. |
| 1:29.5 | So on Mondays, Cubans are supposed to no music. |
| 1:35.3 | My family. |
| 1:36.6 | My family. |
| 1:37.1 | I don't know what your family does. |
... |
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