Time for some podcast reviews. This review is from A-Quins, truly inspiring and uplifting women's podcasts. Listening to each episode makes you feel empowered. Thank you for empowering women. Thank you so much A-Quins. I take them serious and you take them light. I go to bed early and you party all night. Our friends are saying we ain't gonna last because I'm you slowly and baby you move fast. I like it quiet and you like to shout but when we get together it just all works out. What? I don't know what planet Paul Aboula was living on when she sang her smash hit opposites attract but I want the address and the directions because in my experience being married to a man who on the surface was Paul opposite to me. I can safely say it wasn't half as easy as just working out. I am Greek Orthodox, born and raised in the big city of London. He is a boy from rule to coma and who didn't believe in God. I listen to pop music, he listen to rock. I like to party, he never even tried alcohol when I first met him. I like to break in the rules, he likes abiding by them. I am a neat freak and he could live in a tip and not even notice. So we had to put an endless hours of hard work, dedication and commitment to communicate constantly on our thoughts and perspectives so we could live and thrive cohesively. Now most people didn't think we would work out. My own father, God bless that man, didn't want me to marry Tom, and he actually said no when he asked him for his blessing to marry me. And when I asked him why, he professed that he was just too different, that he wouldn't understand my culture, and then I would be stuck in America all alone. Well, 19 years later, and I can personally say that yes, absolutely, in my case, opposites do attract,

but I'm here to also say that attraction isn't enough. And so today I want to do a different kind of stroke. I wanted to bring on the hubby to discuss all the building blocks, lessons and tactics we have learned along the way that has allowed us to have the long-lasting relationship Everyone doubted. So welcome to Women of Impact Relationship Edition.

Welcome to Nishayy, baby. Yeah. Thank you very much. I am always excited. I love filming with you, so it's a lot of fun. I'm hearing you do the scene, I guess, the Paula Abdul's song. Maybe I'm gonna run out and listen it. I was going to sing and I was like, no, I don't want to talk to the audience. But it's so interesting how our opposites have actually helped us really shape each other and there are things that you've introduced me to that I wouldn't have been introduced to otherwise. It really helped really helped me set out a step out of my comfort box. But a lot of people actually, I think the being complete opposites will be a detriment to their relationship long term. So how I want to actually do this episode is I've got multiple themes that I want to talk about and how if people are opposites, what are the tactics that they can do in order to survive and actually thrive in their relationship? So I've got religion, finance, kids and discipline, and how you're gonna bring them up, habits and then hobbies. Okay. So I wanna start with... Got a couple dangerous ones in there. We've got some dangerous ones. But I think by far, the most problematic is children. Oh, interesting.

No question. People break up over kids and money. That is it, my friend. Those are the two that really fuck people up. Let's start with the finance. So with me and you, when I first met you, I was a saver growing up every single painting my mum ever gave me pound pocket money I always saved. And when I met you, it wasn't that you were fervilist with your money, but you were in debt,

and I'd never met any. gave me pound pocket money I always saved. And when I met you, it wasn't that you were frivolous

with your money, but you were in debt, and I'd never met any from college. I would like to point out. But actually being from, I just racked up debt. Sure, but being from England, my college was free. Sure. So I'd never met anybody who had a college debt, obviously you were the first American that I dated. So, you know, but it was a shock that you were in debt.

And so let's-

Rory, that was gonna drag you down.

What the- who had a college debt, obviously you were the first American that I dated. So, you know, but it was a shock that you were in debt. And so, let's- Where it is going to drag you down? Well, the name you joke about it, but what if you could have, right? I did for a while in fairness. So, let's talk about that. A, where we came together with different types of financial situation. Yes. Or financial situation. We both had to alter the way we see money and spend money. So talk to me about what the key things are that we have to address first of all and then how we get through it. So I really think that people don't understand the need for rules in their life in general. So how is money spent? And this is going to get into a sort of overarching theme that I imagine will come up over and over in today's conversation when you're talking about when do opposites become problematic. It's all around values. And that's where people disconnect, that's where countries end up conflicting is they just can't fathom that there's another valid way to approach the world. It's my way or the highway. And around money man, you

got a lot of conflicting is they just can't fathom that there's another valid way to approach the world.

It's my way or the highway.

And around money, man, you got a lot of like hidden values of people in mistake for truth. Like when we first met, I was like, oh, so how much money does your dad give you is basically an allowance? And you were mortified that I would ask that because you had a value that was like, you don't talk about money. And I remember thinking, hmm, this is going to be a problem.

So because, and look, I could not have said, oh, we have a collision of values here.

That obviously is something that's come over time. But at the time, it really did hit me as, ooh, when someone has a conflicting value with you, they see the world in a way that you think is worse, less than, it really hits you in a visceral way of like, I don't like this. And when you have a visceral reaction, most people do not know what's happening.

They just go with their neurochemistry. So they have the visceral reaction and as Victor Frankl said, between stimulus and response is a gap. And you get to choose how you respond. And like, your whole life is in that moment. So if they know, oh yeah,

this visceral response that I'm having is because we're having a collision of values. That's precisely what it means. So rather than have the argument about money, this isn't about money, this is about a value system. So what's going on here? So for you, money is not to be discussed. For me, that question wasn't actually about money. It was about open communication. Okay, so that was step one. So we had to process through that. Then

you get to the real mecha nations of money. And I will just say, here's some good advice for anybody, literally no matter what phase of your life you're in. Off the top pay bills. Then you need to be saving. You wanna save as rapidly as you can to get to the point where you have six months months cash on hand period. I don't care who you are, I don't care what your value system is. This is just reality. And we're recording this in the middle of the COVID-19 crisis. So can anybody say that that would be a bad fucking idea to have six months living expenses, not not cut your life to the quick. The way you live now, you can live without changing a thing

for six months. If you're unable to save, your lifestyle is out of control. And you need to get your lifestyle to a point where you can save up to that. Because you only have two levers, the amount of money you make and the amount of money you spend, that's it, homie. So it's one or the other. Now, that is not something that I was good at when we met.

That's certainly something that I've gotten more disciplined over time. But even in the beginning of our relationship, when you were like, hey, it's really, I come from a saving standpoint, I was like, that actually does make sense. Like, I've always been by myself. I've always kept my expenses very low. But there's no question that is a very smart way to approach it. So anyway, keep your expenses reasonable, make sure that you save up enough money, make sure that your bills get paid, and then after that, make sure that you have spending money that each of you control. So the other stuff is joint. The saving is joint. And whether one of you has a job, you both have a job,

you save like that core amount. Now, how you break that up, that's up to them. If it's, all right, you make 30% of the money, I make 70% of the money, then you contribute 30% to all the bills, and I contribute 70% to all the bills. To me, that makes sense. I've always been like, I'm always trying to get to the point where it's just 50-50, right?

So... To me, that makes sense. I've always been like, I'm always trying to get to the point where it's just 50-50, right? So in our case, I was the only one making money, but I was like, yo, this is the life that we have chosen. This is 50-50. I don't think of it as my money that I give to her. It's like, this is 50-50. This is the life that we've structured. There was something that was actually difficult for me and we had to talk through because I didn't

want to think that I had to come to you for permission and that you were making the money and then you were just giving it to me. Me and you when you went to work and I was going to say, oh, we spoke through it. We sat down from day one. All right, how much do you think we should say? this is how much I think I should say and we went back and forth and really laid out everything so

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