What up ladies, this is Lisa Bilyu and welcome to another episode of Women of Impact and I'm so excited for today's guest. She's a licensed therapist and she's worked directly with psychopaths and narcissists and sociopaths, imprisoned in therapy and in real life. Aisha Grävenberg is here and she's seen the manipulation guys so up close that she's sharing the brutal truth about what she's witnessed, what she's heard, and what she's experienced. And these predators have actually told her specific details of how they pick their victims, how they test people's boundaries, and based on that, she goes into what you can do to make herself bulletproof. Because she had to do it herself, every time she sat in front of one of these people. Now by the end of this episode you will know exactly crystal clear how to spot one of these dangerous personalities from a fricking mile away so that you never get caught or get pushed into a corner just like Aisha talks about in this episode where she shares moments where literally her back

is up against a wall with a killing psychopath in front of her. Now look, I don't like focusing on the negative. The whole idea is that we learn these lessons so that whether it's someone in your life that's a male, whether it's a friend, whether it's a partner, whether it's a work colleague, no matter who is in your life. If they're dangerous, you want to be able to make sure that you see it a mile off. So today we dig into what

you're dating a mile off. So today, we dig into what your dating profile pick reveals about your vulnerability and how these predators will use this specific photo to know where your weakness is. Now, spoiler alert, it's all in the eyes and we don't even realize it. Then we go into the exact tactics that these predators use to test your boundaries from the very first moment that you meet them and of course we go over how to make sure that you don't play into their game. Then we go into why owning your insecurities is your greatest freaking weapon. Yes, oh my god, I love this one because you usually think it means something bad about us but actually your insecurities is what will scare off the psychopath. So if you want to learn more and you want to actually become bulletproof against the manipulation and stop the frickin' damn cycle before it even starts, then we're getting into it right here right now on Women of Impact. As a licensed therapist, you've worked directly with psychopaths and gnosis, and you've revealed something utterly chilling. They've actually admitted to you that they know exactly who their next victim is going to be. So, if anyone watching who never ever wants to be that woman, how do they choose their target? I actually worked in the jail in Las Vegas, and I worked in the male unit. And so I dealt with men that were in jail for serious crimes, no parking tickets. And so that interaction with them helped me understand how to maneuver around them. And I was terrified. And I showed I was terrified. And this is what women do. Like I would shake.

And one of the CEOs sit next to me, he said, don't ever do that. He was like, I don't care how scared you are. Stand your ground, plant your feet. Don't let them come next to you. You have to give them permission. He's like, I don't care how scared you are. Make them respect you. And that's when I learned. and he said that's aggressive.

Someone walking up to you is aggressive.

You have to see it as aggressive if they're smiling, if they smell good, if they're dressed right, that's aggression. So that's the first thing. First step. Yes, it's aggressive. And so I was shaking on the inside. I was, and I said, back up, don't come closer. I can hear you. I was pretending, but I meant it. I said, I can hear you from there. And these dudes, big six, five dudes, yes, Miss Ayesha. Yes, Miss Ayesha. And so it's not about size. It's about you have to own your space. Whenever you meet someone, they are gonna tap on your boundaries to see if you budge. If you budge, they got you. They got you. And that's something that women have to understand. We have to see that as aggression. Someone stepping over, they're doing that on purpose. That is aggression. And we have to see it as such. And so when I work with women to help them understand what I've learned from these men, from their mouth, right? They also tell me that they see you coming a mile away, that they can pick you out of a crowd of 100 women. This is what they tell me. And I always say they scan you like a document. They look at you from head to toe and they read you and they know exactly who you are.

And they tell me that they can tell who you are by your picture on the day. The first picture you put, they can tell. And I said, no, no, no, no, explain this to me. And they said it's in your eyes. They said it's in your eyes. Your vulnerability is in your eyes. And I said, how? And this message to me me the picture that you choose to represent you you choose that No one's choosing that for you you are choosing that picture So you're sending a message you're sending a message and you think it's a picture that the best lighting you look the best It's the picture that reveals you what you're hiding what what you are hiding. So they know, so own your space, right? Own your space and know that you can't hide. They can see your vulnerability. Your relationship to your vulnerability is what's important. So many questions. Yes. So many questions. All right. So I'm going to take it step by step. So you said that you would be in front of them and you would shake him. So in those moments, you started to actually assert authority, put in a boundary. That seemed like that made them respect you. Absolutely. Understood. So now going to the vulnerability part, what are they actually picking up on? So you said that they scan you. Yes. They start with the eyes because you said that. Yes. What in the eyes do you think that they're spotting?

What they've said to me is that they don't see the makeup. They don't see the clothes. They don't see what you think people want to see. They see your vulnerability. And they pick up on micro movements in your face, micro movements in your body, and they are noticing everything subconsciously that you're not aware of. Remember, they're in a manipulative state, they're in a predatory state, so they are looking, they're looking for what they can take advantage of. So they see your insecurity. The issue is, do you see it? Because if you see it, you're good. But if you try to deny it, they got you. So how do you know that you're leaking that vulnerability that they're spotting? The reality of it is that we're all leaking it. No matter what, the difference is, do you accept it? If you know your vulnerability, if you know what makes you uncomfortable, do you own it and say, it's fine. This is just what it is. This is me. I don't have a problem with it.

You can't make me feel bad about me.

They pick up on that.

They don't want anything to do with it. Because they can't manipulate you. They can't. Because you are fine with your own insecurity and your own wounds. So you don't, it's not that you have to eliminate then the vulnerability. is just that you have to own it and say,

I know it, so you don't press my buttons

without me giving you permission.

Like I know my buttons, I'm good.

You're not doing anything to me. You don't. This is the thing. As a therapist, people assume that they come to me to change. I'm not interested in changing you. I'm interested in helping you become more of who you are. And the wound is a part of who you are. The insecurity is a part of who you are.

You're not going to run from it. You're going to go to it. And when you go to it, that's your greatest protection. Oh, wow. Okay. So now let's say that they've spotted that potentially this woman does have some vulnerability. Sure. Have they explained to you what kind of buttons they press to then see if that vulnerability then will lead to them them being able to control you.

They push a very gentle boundary.

And for me, in my lived experience, what has happened because I've been exposed to these type of people in my work and in my personal life. But in my personal life, I'm not a morning person. And I make that very clear. Don't call me before 10. It's not gonna work for me.

I'm grouchy, my voice is deep.

You don't like me, it's not.

You not gonna like it.

And so if you call me before then,

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