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Hey me welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi, what can I do? I'm going because

And March of this year my husband came out to me as a sexaholic a sex addict. Okay before you move on I do not respect any such delineation.

It's a way of staving off the issue of bad character no impulse control because you do what you want to do. It's a height of selfishness and I'm sorry my profession has made it sound like a disease.

Okay, well yes, sure I think I agree with you and given that I've witnessed this enormous transformation in my husband he has become very spiritual very religious our sex life is back.

But I can't seem to get over the grief of missing out on my dream and I'm so mad at myself for choosing him in the first place and I can't get over that you have kids for well then you're going to have to come out of that space.

You have no option. You won't be by the time I finish banging on your head but you have no option you have to bang away. Okay, how old is the youngest one.

One and a half.

Okay, you've got 18 years. Okay, then 17 but 18 years.

Now, why did you pick him? What was wonderful about him?

I felt a sense of security with him a sense of safety and I knew he wanted a family like I did.

He was very kind patient gentle and I also felt a little bit worthless I think because I definitely knew about at least pornography use before we got married.

Okay, so tell me about well bottom line as you knew this was not the smartest thing to do nonetheless he had these you had a need to feel safe and secure in what way I mean can you beat up guys who try to steal your purse what did you mean by safe and secure.

Accepted and loved.

So safe and secure mean you were accepted as you were.

Were you kind of surprised that he accepted you as you were a little.

Yes, probably what I was attracted him so much.

What elements of you everything from looks to behavior to thoughts were you grateful somebody accepted which were the ones you thought were dicey.

Well, I like that he accepted in me that I wanted to be a mother and I didn't want to be a career woman I liked that he accepted my looks that he accepted my temperament.

I mean you can be a pain in the ass.

Oh yeah.

Okay, laterally.

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