I Tried to Toughen Up My Son. He Had Other Ideas.

Modern Love

The New York Times

Love, New York Times, Nytimes, Essay, Loss, Storytelling, Society & Culture, Redemption, Nyt

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 21 January 2026

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he started to notice some of those same tendencies in his young son. Sam wanted to change that, so he took his son on a cross-country road trip to Badlands National Park, in search of what Theodore Roosevelt called “the strenuous life.” Along the way, he found himself wrestling with what it means to be a good man, and to raise a good man. This week on “Modern Love,” Sam explains what happened, and how his son changed his own ideas about what it means to be tough. You can read Sam’s original story in The New York Times Magazine.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, it's Anna.
0:02.1	All right, before we start the show, I want to talk about Valentine's Day
0:06.0	because, of course, we are already thinking about it over here at Modern Love.
0:10.8	We're hoping you can help us out.
0:12.7	We want to know the most romantic thing that's ever happened to you.
0:17.6	Or if it didn't happen to you, the most romantic thing you've ever seen or witnessed.
0:22.8	It could be something grand, a rom-com style gesture. Maybe someone stood outside your window with
0:28.0	the boom box or ran through the airport to stop you from leaving. Or it could be something small.
0:33.6	Like, someone knows you hate olives, so they always pick them off your plate before you dig in,
0:38.2	or someone slips a note in your lunchbox every morning to remind you how much you mean to them.
0:42.9	Whatever made you feel that rush of romance, from the big moments to the tiny ones, we want to
0:48.1	hear about it. And we want to know why it was so romantic to you.
0:52.1	If you have a story in mind, record a voice memo and email it to us
0:55.6	at Modern Love Podcast at n.Y times.com by February 4th, and we might use your story on the show.
1:03.6	That's Modern Love Podcast at NYTimes.com, and once again, your deadline is February 4th.
1:11.1	Thanks so much.
1:12.3	We can't wait to hear from you.
1:14.0	Now, here's today's episode.
1:17.1	Love now and all.
1:18.5	Love is stronger than anything.
1:22.5	For the love, love.
1:23.5	And I love you more than anything.
	...

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