Hello everybody welcome to the bitch rival the podcast I'm your host Jackie Schimmel and welcome

first things first I would like to apologize for last week's episode, I'm self-aware enough to know

when I'm just operating at a very low voltage

and that was last week for me.

I probably should have taken a beat and taken the week off, but my default

setting when I'm famished and vaclempt, as they say, is to go into overdrive and like click it into high gear and just trudge forward despite, you know, maybe what's best for the for the listeners at home it wasn't great I was

I was I was in a fun class week and I feel like I try to counteract other people's energy so I think

Andrew was just obviously rightfully, very sad and really in like the trenches of grief and what I do, the

only thing I know how to do in those moments, I'm not, you know, empathetic Emily. I'm more

destructive Diana. So I go into complete overdrive where I'm like,

should we do a Mediterranean night? I found this place that is the best

falafel should we make non-bred like I start going into like activities distraction

should we go see a movie and just like I don't want to go see a a movie I'm like we oysters at four like I'm just I want to do things that are

distracting and I want to go somewhere and I want to listen to something

and I want to watch something I like I just want to I just want to avert attention and then I feel like if someone

maybe is hovering rightfully so at like a one I need to kick it up to a 15 and then I run myself into overdrive and then I'm

resentful that I'm not doing the things and going with the motions and then I

get very defeated and very deflated and then I punish

myself and I think that you know psychosis 101 as I was listening I was like

oh my god I am just

scraping by but you know what it's a new week. We're back. I just got

accosted at a sprouts. I was physically assaulted by a rat at a home depot yesterday and I was sexually I wouldn't say sexually harassed because I'm open to it in fact I'm inviting of it and

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