I'm Christopher Titus, and this is the Armageddon update.

How are you guys doing?

Seriously, I'm sending you love.

I won't be sending you toilet paper because, like you, I am also hoarding butt wipe like it's the antidote.

By the way, during a deadly pandemic, taking a dump in the yard is not frowned upon

or bad etiquette as long as you keep your pinky out. So, where are we after a month of being on

lockdown? Well, this update strives to be accurate and sarcastic or acucastic. So let's begin with this.

It's been reported that the intelligence

service briefed the Trump administration about the COVID-19 problem in November. I know.

Deep state, fake news, Trump derangement syndrome. Except it's not. In late November,

the U.S. Military's National Center for Medical Intelligence, or NCMI, Nickmats.

It's a bad acronym.

Compiled a November intelligence report in which analysts concluded it would be a cataclysmic event.

And even after Ivanka explained to Trump what cataclysmic meant, he still did nothing

and went golfing.

But in November, he only golfed three days because

he knew that this was coming and he sprung into action to move heaven and earth to prepare the

country for a worldwide pandemic that was going to kill millions. I'm kidding. He did absolutely nothing.

And in December, he golfed 11 days. There are only 31 days in the month.

So a third of the time he was golfing? He also had two rallies during that time. And that's in December.

In January and February, he had 10 rallies and hit the links a total of 13 times. That's 23 days out of 60. Can I get this job? That's a lot of lying to dumb people. And I'm talking about the guys he's golfing with. So let's move on. Because we all know that sweet potato Hitler has crapped the bed in this COVID-19 situation harder than an narcoleptic that had a sphincter removed and refuses to eat anything but Chipotle. This is bad, people. Don't think it's over. It ain't. And after reading the accounts of how this goes down, if you get this, dying might be an upside. Our friend and first video podcast guest, Kathy, cut off his head, Griffin. I got to be honest. The longer he's in office, the funny that picture gets anyway she went through it and it

is brutal if you live here's how it's going to go five days of nothing except spreading your disease on

...