How Trauma Makes You Say Yes When You Mean No

Sex With Emily

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.3 • 6.8K Ratings

🗓️ 3 April 2026

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Most women can name every product in their skincare routine but can't tell you the last time they actually paid attention to their vulva. Not because you don't care — because nobody ever taught you to. And that silence is costing women their pleasure, their comfort, and sometimes their health. In this episode, I sit down with OB-GYN and women's sexual health expert Dr. Sherry Ross — author of the V-ology book series and someone I consider one of the most important voices in women's intimate health — for the most practical, shame-free conversation about vulva and vaginal health I've ever had on this show. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why your vulva needs the same care and attention as your face — and what most of us are getting completely wrong about cleaning, moisturizing, and maintaining vaginal health at every age • The truth about painful sex, perimenopause, and recurring infections — what's actually causing them, why doctors keep dismissing the symptoms, and the solutions most women have never been told about • Whether every woman can learn to squirt, what your labia is supposed to look like, and why the clitoris — the road to success — might be the most important thing you're not paying enough attention to More Dr. Emily: • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).5 • Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Chapters: 0:00 - Intro 1:51 - Caller #1 (Jamie, 44): Partner Chatting with Sex Workers Online — Is It Cheating? 9:46 - Dr. Emily's Takeaway: Masturbation in Relationships & Staying Curious 10:30 - Caller #2 (Damian, 28): His Wife Is Grossed Out by Touching Herself 16:09 - Caller #3 (Lacy, 25): Love Bombed on a First Date, Then Blocked 23:55 - Caller #4 (Rachel, 25): Getting Back Into Sex After a Long Break 32:23 - Caller #5 (Karina): Dating After Trauma & Learning to Say No 41:00 - Dr. Emily's Final Word: Your No Can Be a Not Yet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I've had a lot of sexual experiences where I look back at it. Like, I wish I, why did I do that? And I just did it because it was easier than saying no. So I'm just like, well, I'll just give him a blow job or I'll just have sex right now because it's easier than not. And the truth is, I didn't know that it was okay to be like, this is not what I want to do. You're listening to Sex with Emily.
0:21.4	I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation
0:26.1	around sex.
0:28.4	Trust.
0:29.2	It is the glue of relationships, even the more casual ones.
0:33.1	Can I trust that this person is safe, that they're not going to hurt me?
0:36.7	Can I trust myself that
0:37.7	I'll know how to navigate the situation? These are the questions we all ask ourselves.
0:42.4	Even if it's subconscious, our bodies and brains regularly scan for danger. But when you're
0:47.1	wearing rose-colored glasses, sometimes the red flags just look like flags. So on today's
0:53.4	Ask Emily show, I take your questions on trust and safety
0:56.8	because we know safety is the precursor to hot sex. So what happens when you're having
1:02.8	mind-blowing sex with the partner but catch them chatting with sex workers online? Or what happens
1:07.6	when you've been love-bombed by someone who isn't what they see? Or maybe you've
1:11.7	had past relationship trauma and don't trust new partners to take it slow with you. Finally, do you
1:16.9	trust yourself to facilitate a hookup? Do you trust that you can help a partner heal from sex
1:21.3	negative messaging? These are the questions I'm exploring today. And trust me, by the end,
1:26.7	you'll walk away with some great tools for sticky situations. Please rate and review Sex with Emily, wherever you listen to the show, just do it right now. It takes you two seconds and it really helps get the show out to more people and more sex positive people like you. You want to have better sex. You can also find me on all social media at Sex with Emily.
1:45.2	If you're there, I'm there. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.
1:53.9	Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random
1:57.3	sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure,
2:04.9	your communication, and your connection. Well, that's exactly why we created the shop,
	...

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