What Kills the Spark (And How to Get It Back)

Sex With Emily

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.3 • 6.8K Ratings

🗓️ 7 April 2026

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Whether you're trying to work up the nerve to ask out your office crush, figuring out what you actually want in bed, or navigating a decades-long relationship that's hit a sexual wall — the answer almost always comes back to the same thing: you have to be willing to go there. Say the thing. Ask the question. Have the conversation you've been putting off. In this episode, I'm taking listener calls on everything from the first nervous steps back into dating to the hard conversations that long-term couples are too scared to start. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why dating is a muscle — and what to actually do when you've been out of the game so long that even asking someone out feels impossible • What really happens to a vulva when a woman is fully aroused, why morning sex resentment is almost never just about morning sex, and what to do when your sexual awakening happens 20 years into a committed relationship • How to talk to your kids about sex early and often in a way that builds confidence instead of shame — starting with something as simple as using the right words for their body parts More Dr. Emily: • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).5 • Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Chapters: 0:00 - Intro 2:07 - How to Ask Out an Office Crush Without Overthinking It 6:06 - Breaking Out of the Friend Zone on a First Date 9:43 - She Engorged During Orgasm — What Just Happened? 15:21 - Embracing What Sex Actually Looks and Feels Like 16:07 - Boyfriend Wants Her to Sleep with Someone Else — Does She Have To? 18:42 - Resentful About 5:30 a.m. Sex & Never Having Orgasms 22:23 - Sexual Awakening, Open Relationship Fallout & Staying or Going 26:35 - How to Raise a Sex-Positive Son Without Shame Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You haven't dated or been with anyone in 12 years.
0:05.0	I can imagine after 12 years, you've had a lot of time to think about how awkward it can be and a lot of fear around rejection.
0:12.0	And they all make sense, but you're never going to know unless you ask her directly.
0:17.0	You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your
0:24.1	pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Listen, before we're experts at anything,
0:31.2	we're all humble beginners. And whether we're learning how to date, learning how to talk about
0:35.6	sex, learning how to pleasure a partner,
0:43.2	it can all seem pretty intimidating, enough to make a second guess ourselves. Like, do they just like me as a friend? Am I weird for wanting more lovers? Will I teach my child the right things about
0:49.0	sex? Well, on today's Ask Emily's show, everyone's looking for clarity in the sexual unknown,
1:10.8	starting with, how can I tell if they're into me? Whether it's an office crush and you're trying to figure out if they like you back, or you're about to go on a date and worried you'll be friend zoned. Well, I give you tips to put your best foot forward. Well, how about if it's a new sexual act and you don't know how you feel about it or if you should even try it?
1:12.3	I offer ways to figure out what you want and not just what your lover wants.
1:17.7	Finally, sexual evolutions in long-term relationships.
1:22.6	What to do when you're filled with old resentments?
1:25.3	Is there a new conversation you could have with your
1:27.6	partner? How about when you want to open it up? But your nesting partner is scared of you having new
1:33.5	lovers. Well, we're venturing into uncharted sex territory today, but don't worry. We all come out
1:39.7	on the other side with fresh ways forward. Please rate and review Sex with Emily, wherever you listen to the show.
1:45.9	It helps get the show out to more people, and it just takes a few seconds.
1:49.3	You can do it right now.
1:50.2	You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X, and Facebook.
1:54.0	All of it, all of it, is at Sex with Emily.
1:56.6	All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.
	...

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