How to Talk to People You'd Rather Hate (Loretta J. Ross)

Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

Elise Loehnen

Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality, Self-improvement, Education

4.8 • 900 Ratings

🗓️ 13 February 2025

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Loretta J. Ross’s particular approach to deciding when, and how, to call someone in helps us to avoid making other people’s problem our problem. It gives us a way to effectively be in conversation with people capable of causing harm—instead of trying, and failing, to be in defense of the vulnerable. Ross shares what she’s learned from watching people be manipulated into hating, and from helping them to release that hate. She talks about addressing our own cognitive dissonance; the guilt trip wires we carry internally; and learning to forgive ourselves for not knowing or caring enough. And after everything she’s seen and experienced, Ross tells us why she refuses to end her belief in the goodness of people—and she shares her joy with us. For more on Loretta J. Ross and her new book Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel—head over to my Substack. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, it's Elise Lunan, host of Pulling the Thread.
0:03.0	Today I'm talking to Loretta J. Ross about her stunning approach to calling people in.
0:08.6	I am so excited about this one.
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0:36.8	Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup.
0:52.4	Hi, it's Elise Lunan, host of Pulling the Thread.
0:55.9	On this show, we pull apart the web in which we all live to understand who we are and why we're here.
1:02.2	My hope is that these conversations spark moments of resonance and plant tiny seeds of awareness
1:07.3	so that we might all collectively learn and grow.
1:12.4	Here is today's guest Loretta J. Ross on what a culture of calling in, as opposed to calling
1:17.6	out or canceling, looks like.
1:20.4	You start with the self in the calling in culture.
1:23.4	Then you calibrate the size of the conflict.
1:25.9	Because when somebody says being awkward or irritating,
1:31.3	is there actually a threat to you?
1:33.3	Or is it you just choosing to make their problem your problem?
1:38.4	And I constantly ask people,
	...

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