How to survive awkward encounters

The Gray Area with Sean Illing

Vox Media Podcast Network

Society & Culture, News, Politics, News Commentary, Philosophy

4.6 • 10.8K Ratings

🗓️ 17 November 2025

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We all know what awkwardness feels like. It's that jolt of discomfort when the social script breaks down, and no one knows what to do next. But what if awkwardness isn’t a flaw to fix but a window into how we live together? Sean’s guest today is Alexandra Plakias, associate professor of philosophy at Hamilton College and author of Awkwardness: A Theory. They talk about why awkwardness isn’t a personal problem but a social one, how power and privilege shape who gets to be awkward, and why our fear of discomfort often keeps us from saying what really matters. This episode originally aired in November of 2024. Host: Sean Illing (@SeanIlling) Guest: Alexandra Plakias, associate professor of philosophy and author of Awkwardness: A Theory We would love to hear from you. To tell us what you thought of this episode, email us at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 1-800-214-5749. Your comments and questions help us make a better show.And you can watch new episodes of The Gray Area on YouTube. Listen to The Gray Area ad-free by becoming a Vox Member: vox.com/members Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	It's time for Black Friday at Dell Technologies.
0:02.7	Save big on PCs like the Dell 16 Plus featuring Intelcore Ultra processors.
0:07.3	Shop now at Dell.com.
0:08.3	It's time for Black Friday at Dell Technologies.
0:12.8	Save big on PCs like the Dell 16 plus featuring Intelcore Ultra processors.
0:17.5	Shop now at Dell.combe E.K. forward slash Black Friday.
0:28.5	Thanksgiving is the Super Bowl of Awkward.
0:33.5	You love these people, mostly, but the scripts are fuzzy.
0:34.9	Do we hug?
0:37.0	Do we talk politics? What the hell do I say after the third, so how's work?
0:41.3	It's a tricky situation. We've all been there. But here's the good news.
0:47.3	Awkwardness isn't a you problem. And it's not a personality flaw. It's what happens when our social scripts break down. In other words, it's an us problem. I'm Sean Elling, and this is the gray area.
1:23.6	Today's episode is a conversation with Alexandra Plakius, philosopher and author of awkwardness, a theory.
1:24.6	The episode, which is from last winter, has become a team favorite because Placius
1:31.0	challenges us to rethink a common experience that we all dread.
1:36.5	She has a lot of great insights to share and a helpful reminder that it's not your fault
1:42.7	when you feel awkward. Something that's worth keeping in mind as we plunge into those family gatherings this holiday season.
1:54.1	Alexandra Plakius, welcome to the show.
1:57.3	Thanks so much for having me.
1:59.3	You have an interesting philosophical background.
2:02.5	I mean, you study moral psychology and the cultural foundations of values and that sort of thing.
2:10.7	How did you end up writing a book about awkwardness?
	...

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