How to Set Boundaries Without Cutting People Off :: John Townsend *top 10 episode* [Ep 566]
Don't Mom Alone Podcast
Don't Mom Alone Podcast
4.9 • 2.3K Ratings
🗓️ 30 March 2026
⏱️ 50 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
As moms, we are like a life support system for our kids. To keep our families healthy, we need to be healthy. A key part of our overall well being is setting healthy boundaries.
But boundaries are hard. They require uncomfortable, direct conversations. We may need to put a limit on really good things or draw a line in the sand with our in-laws or parents.
My guest, Dr. John Townsend literally wrote the book on boundaries and he shares some deep wisdom on how to set healthy boundaries while honoring our family members and others.
“You've got to take care of your energy, your heart and your emotions. You've got to take care of yourself and your health. If you don't guard that heart, then the wellsprings of life won't come out from it. Boundaries are basically about how to set healthy, loving limits in our life. So we have something to offer to our children.”
Townsend answers your tough questions about setting limits with in-laws, making healthy boundaries for the holidays and even models having a tough conversation with a parent about a boundary.
This is an episode packed with great information and Townsend has several books and resources available if you want to go deeper. Let’s make setting healthy boundaries a priority and guard our hearts and our time to bring life to our family!
Connect with John Townsend:
- Instagram: John Townsend (@dr.john_townsend)
- Facebook: Dr. John Townsend
- Website: Home - Dr. John Townsend
Links Mentioned:
- Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: By John Townsend
- Relational Nutrients (new layout) - Dr. John Townsend
- People Fuel: By John Townsend
Related Episodes:
- Parenting a Spicy Child: How to Stay Calm, Set Boundaries, and Keep the Connection :: Mary Van Geffen [Ep 558]
- Good Boundaries and Goodbyes :: Lysa TerKeurst [Ep 387]
- Strengthening the Relationship with Your Adult Child :: Kathy Cunningham [Ep 543]
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, y'all, welcome back to the Don't Mom Alone podcast. |
| 0:10.1 | I'm your host, Heather McFaddyan, and this is the place where I get to walk alongside you and connect you with people and resources so you know that you don't mom alone. |
| 0:19.3 | And in this episode, number 5666, it's another one of our |
| 0:22.6 | top 10 episodes, a republished version of my conversation with Dr. John Townsend. |
| 0:29.5 | When you've had to set limits and you want to get close again, then you re-engage with |
| 0:34.2 | the person and you say, I want to try again. But I want to be as good a friend as I can be or a good adult daughter as I can be. But things have got to change on your end, too. And if they say, I have no intent of changing, you're the problem. What they're saying is there's nothing new to trust. Love is free, but trust is earned. We've got to remember that. Love is free as, you know, air, but trust is earned. So if they go, no, I'm going to stay the way I am. I don't have to change. Then they're telling you keep the boundaries because I don't want to change my behaviors. Dr. Townsend co-authored a New York Times bestselling book that's been around for so long and one of the top books every |
| 1:11.8 | person should read before they're 25. It's called Boundaries. He co-wrote it with Dr. Cloud. And he's |
| 1:18.0 | written over 30 books. Since then, he is a business consultant. He's a leadership coach and he's |
| 1:24.4 | a psychologist. And a lot of the people in my community have gone through |
| 1:29.2 | his Townsend Institute for Leadership. They have been a part of ongoing. They're called TLP, |
| 1:35.4 | Townsend Leadership Programs. And even the life team that I'm a part of once a month is based on |
| 1:40.4 | his programs. And this episode was recorded back in 2019. |
| 1:46.3 | Since that time, I've had the privilege of getting to sit under Townsend's teaching and get to know him in person well. |
| 1:53.1 | And so that reminds me that I need to have him back on. |
| 1:55.4 | But this episode was so enjoyed by y'all. |
| 1:58.5 | It's one of our top five episodes. I think it's number three or four |
| 2:03.2 | of most downloaded episodes. And I know why. As moms, we are the life support system for our |
| 2:10.7 | kids. And keeping our families healthy, we need to be healthy. And a key part of our overall |
| 2:15.9 | well-being is setting healthy boundaries. But this |
| 2:19.5 | is challenging and often misunderstood. And sometimes boundaries are weaponized. And I think that |
| 2:24.9 | even the heart of the book and what Townsend and Cloud intended has been misused by people. |
| 2:32.4 | And so I'm grateful to get to share straight from the author |
... |
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