Are you ready to kick some freaking ass and achieve your goals this year? Let's get into it. Stop people pleasing. Guys, I'm freaking telling you, right now, you're showing up every single damn day for other people. And so it is imperative that when you want to crush it, you want to build your confidence, you want to get motivated to get the F up and live out that dream, you've got to address where your time is spent and who the hell you're more focused on than yourself. So where I want you to start is number one, figure out who the hell it is that you're actually trying to please. With zero judgment, start writing down those people's names. Then next to that person's name, you need identify honestly why you're putting them and their knees and pleasing them ahead of your own. So right by my mother because I want her to be proud of me. Cool. Now you've got the person and now you've identified the reason on why on earth you're putting them ahead of yourself. Now, sometimes in this process right now guys, it's gonna be hard to be honest. But this is where I beg of you, I freaking plead of you. You absolutely need to be so damn honest of why you are pleasing them. Because until you can actually tap into this, until you can actually identify and recognize the reason why, you're going to be able to actually start to piece that apart and stop people pleasing so that you can focus on yourself. So even if you have to be so damn vulnerable and say something like, I want to please my partner and the reason is is that if I don't, I don't feel validated. If I don't, I don't feel good about myself. If I don't, I don't feel enough. Or here's another example. I actually know somebody who married their partner, even though they didn't want to get married, so that they can please his family and her family. Think about that for a second. You so want to be accepted in your family and your culture that you have said yes to something that doesn't align with who you want to be or for the rest of your fricking life. Now we're not here to fricking judge you guys but we absolutely are here to call ourselves on our own stuff. So that we can build the confidence to then get to the goal we want. So be honest, don't feel the shame. Don't feel like you may feel some shame in saying, oh my god, I can't believe even now in my 30s, in my 40s. Here I am as a woman trying to please my partner because I want to be validated. No, no, no, no, there's no space for you to beat yourself up over the reason why no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no The harsh truth about this tip is you're then going to have to face taking action. Now that means you either have to take action where you're going to tell people you're going to stop pleasing them or you have to actually take action in making sure that you show yourself the goddamn it. You are your own priority. Now here I was in this exact situation. I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years, putting my husband's needs and wants ahead of my own. And I had to be honest with myself that this was an act that I was doing. I had to be honest with myself that I wouldn't force to be here, that this was a choice that I had made and here I was in this situation. So I just take ownership over it. Now the ball is in your court. You now actually have to do something about it.

So here I was, acknowledging that I was putting my husband first, that it was a choice that I had made. And now I realize it wasn't serving my future. I wanted to be in movies. I was the kid that frickin' dreamed in London. I was getting up at 3 a.m. to watch the Oscars. I went to film school. I was so aligned on that dream.

And yet here I am telling you that I end up being a to film school. I was so aligned on that dream.

And yet here I am telling you that I ended up being a stay-ah-home wife eight freaking years and I gave up on my dreams and my goals and I lost my confidence. How the hell did that happen? It happened because I was so focused on the validation I was getting by people pleasing and making my husband and the rest of my family happy. So you can see why I had to be honest with myself about the fact that that was a choice. I had to be honest with myself that I was the one that let my dreams die. Yes, that was a choice I made. Now I don't beat myself up, but I do make sure I then take responsibility so that I can act. Now what did that action look like? This is the final piece to the puzzle guys. The final piece was me approaching my husband, who I love more than life itself, telling him that I take ownership over the fact that I find myself now not going after my goals, not going after my dream, losing all of my confidence and myself a steam. But now I want to change it. I no longer want to put clothes out for you. Why I love you. I no longer want to clean for you. Why I love you. I now want to execute on this dream and go that I haven't told you about. So that is how homey you are able to take your characteristic of people pleasing, to start identifying where it comes from, who it's with, and then how to actually handle it so that you can pivot your entire freaking life, you can stay focused on you needs and your wants and your life. And that's how you do it. Set boundaries. Now I hear what you're saying. Where the hell Lisa are you talking about goals, motivation and confidence, and then the thing that you say is set boundaries? Well, let me explain guys, because without this, without you actually being able

to identify, no, and then act in accordance where your boundary line is. What's going to frickin' happen is you're going to work hard. You're going to be doing all these tips and steps that I tell you. You're going to be listening to books. You're going to be progressing and really feeling like you've got the rhythm going. And then, on that frickin' last mile you're going to burn out. You're going to absolutely freaking burn out

because you haven't set boundaries with other people to make sure that you're always showing up for yourself first. Let's freaking own it. Burn out won't help you. Burn out will only set you backwards. Burn out will only delay your goals. Burn out will only slow down your freaking confidence. So with the reason why it is imperative set boundaries when you're starting to talk about how the hell you're going to live the life that you want and achieve those freaking audacious goals that you have set. You must must must set freaking boundaries. Now I can only tell you the worst thing that ever happened to me came because I was terrible at certain boundaries. I let so many people dictate how I was going to show up, where I was going to show up, for how long for. That I was just available to everybody. I had zero boundaries, so every single moment of the day I was being reactive to what people needed from me. When I freaking realize that absolutely led to my burnout and guys when I say burnout I really mean think the worst case scenario where you are so burnt out my gut erupted. I so ignored my health I so ignored that I was and worse God issues, that it actually felt like it erupted. That held me back and I'm still on that journey, it's been six years now. My hair was falling out, my nails were freaking brittle. I couldn't stand up for longer than five minutes at a time. Now imagine how that knock has a knock on the head to yourself a steam, how you feel about yourself. The mindset that you have, your confidence, it was the worst I've ever felt. So when I say you must set boundaries so that you can show up every day, I don't just mean it's like, ah, set boundaries. I mean, you better freaking set boundaries. Now, this means that you're going to have to create a new routine for yourself. And that's exactly what I had to do for myself. My new routine was every Saturday morning. I switched to my phone off. I wasn't allowing myself to become accessible to other people, which allowed me to not be reactive to other people. And I started to demand, demand of myself, that every Saturday morning is my space to recoup, to heal. Number one, be very clear with people in your life who this is going to affect. Number two, let them know why you're setting the boundary. Number three, let them know how this is going to serve you. How is going to serve your mindset? How is going to serve your health and how it's going to serve your happiness? Now, the reason why you do this is you need to be utterly transparent because now if you've said, hey this is why I need to do it, this is for my health, this is for my mindset, this is for myself a steam and if that person turns around and still tries to bombard and knock down your boundary that tells you something about them. But you better believe all the people in my life that didn't want me to set this boundary. Once I told them that without this boundary my health was suffering, my mindset was suffering, my self-esteem was fricking suffering. Once I actually was that transparent, people didn't necessarily like it, but they absolutely understood. So that is why I believe it is imperative to articulate. Now the next part of this is you need to actually hear them out. You need to hear their response to you setting this boundary. Now why do you need to hear them out? Because if you're going to say, but least it's my boundary, they're going to have to like a lump it. Sure, they can but don't you want to at least try to have a communication with a person that you care about. This is our point. Do you actually care about them? So I always give them space to be heard. That doesn't mean they're going to goof into you, but everyone, everyone on the face of the frickin planet wants to be heard and wants to be seen. So if we know that about humans, give them the grace to be heard. In case there's actually something that you're not thinking about, in case there's actually some validity to what they're saying. So give them a space to hear them out. Once you've heard them out, you want to respond with something like this. Thank you for your opinion, but I'm still going to fill in the blind. Or maybe they've highlighted something you didn't know. And so in that situation, just thank them for actually shining the light on something and helping you on setting the boundary. But once you've had this discussion, after that guys, it that no longer becomes a discussion. It becomes a way that you actually articulate your need. Now the next thing, give clear rules and guidelines. Do not leave anything up to interpretation. So if the guideline is for me with my health and my mindset, my phone will be off on Saturday mornings. So if you try me, it is going to go to a voicemail. The timeframe that it will be on voicemail is between the moment I wake up to 1pm Pacific Standard Time. So you're more than welcome to ping me, but please just know it's I'm never going to answer. Okay, that's very freaking clear. There's no new ones. There's no like, oh my god, I didn't realize you men this day at this time. I didn't realize you men are you weren't going to answer. I thought that, right? Be clear because the whole point in everything that I'm saying is that you're able to execute it with clarity and actually get the results we're looking for so you can concentrate on yourself care so that you can build your confidence and go and crush your fricking goals. So now once you're clear on these guidelines I'm going to use a phrase that you guys may hate but it's just a language that enables me to understand what I mean. Now what you're going to do reward and punish. Well, I know you may not like those words, but see through the words, guys. You're going into reward and I like to use a word punish, but you can use a different word, consequences. Maybe show consequences if you wanna use that. Go for it. But the thing is, you hope that the people in your life actually want to do good, right? That's a nice beautiful assumption to have. So as you start to set these rules and guidelines, you want to assume that the person wants to actually abide by them and do well. Now that doesn't mean they're gonna succeed. Just because they want to do well, we all have habits, habits are hard to undo, we all have ways of thinking, those are hard to shift. And so, as you start to lay out these guidelines, you want to make sure that you're absolutely the person's cheerleader. When you see them trying, be their cheerleader, tell them thank you for trying. Give them a reward, like, literally, if I want my husband to do something, you better believe

I know how to reward him. I'm just going to be honest. So I know that when I reward him, he's going to be more likely to try again. And I'm honest with you, it's not manipulation, because we're always very honest with each other about how we're rewarding each other. And then the punishment side of it is, because think they keep stepping over your freaking

boundary, you've got a choice.

Are you going to let them do it? Or are you going to actually let them know that shit homie don't fly? That's a decision you can make. But let me tell you, if you don't actually vocalize that what they're doing is crossing the boundary, what are they going to do? They're're gonna cross it again. They may not mean to, but they absolutely will.

So as humans, when we get negative feedback, that's gonna make a difference. So if you see someone crossing my line, time and time again, what you start to do is be honest and tell them. Then what happens is, I'm just gonna be honest guys. If they keep crossing that line, Why the hell are you giving yourself over to them?

Time and time again.

So when I say punish, I just mean,

you. I'm just going to be honest guys if they keep crossing that line why the hell are you giving yourself over to them time and time again? So when I say punish I just mean you're giving yourself over if it's a relationship and If they cross the line if they disrespect you how are you going to react if there are zero consequences to their actions What do you think they're gonna do? Exactly. You've just answered it yourself.

So, just to do a recap, before I go to the very final thing,

you're gonna recognize the unique self-care time.

You're gonna identify where.

You're then gonna tell people of your new routine.

You're then gonna hear them out in case they've got some feedback

that maybe you haven't considered.

Then you're going to officially set the boundary. You're going to give very clear rules and guidelines of what that boundary actually looks like so that they know exactly what you mean when you articulate your position. You're then going to take that and when someone does well you're going to give them a pattern back and you're going to be there cheerleader and you're going to thank them for being so kind and considerate to try and make sure that they stick by your boundary. And when they don't, you're going to express the consequence and the fact that that doesn't sit with you. And then the final thing on everything that I just said guys is you have to be damn consistent. People may not mean to. I like to think the best of everybody. People may not mean to. They may not mean to overstep the boundary. So if you're not freaking consistent on holding where that boundary lies, they're absolutely inevitably in a year, in two years, on days that they're really stressed and they're not thinking about it. They're probably just going to forget. And so you need, you need to remain consistent on the boundary where the line is and the reason why you're setting in the first place so you can freek and spend your time going and crushing your goals. Learn to say no with a caviar that you can say yes if you really want to. But the reason why guys, I had to also do this as part of goal setting confidence building. It's because you've only got 24 hours in a day. You only have seven days of freaking week. So now the question is, where do you spend that time? Now, if you keep saying yes to things, what happens? You leave less and less and less time to build your confidence and to go out and set on the path of your goal. And so if you don't even know how to say no, if you're not sure how to let someone down so that you've actually got time for yourself because what's gonna happen guys is gonna be on this hamster wheel where you desperately get off so you can go for your goal but you keep saying yes to thing so we keep doing is running and in the same spot. And then you wonder why you haven't been able to actually make a move and achieve your freaking goal. It's because you're prioritizing that last. So, hold me, I'm asking you right now, put yourself on the top of your priority list. And to do that, that absolutely means you've got to learn to say no.

Now how the hell do you say no?

Because again, it's absolutely easy in theory.

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