Are you a good listener?

Before you answer that, pause and think about it first.

Most of us probably believe we listen to people all the time.

But how much of what we think of as listening is really just some form of active hearing,

where we're waiting for our turn to say something clever or funny or thoughtful.

That's not really listening, or at best it's a rough approximation of it but one that

falls short in some crucial ways.

The truth is that most of us are quite good at acting like we're listening.

We nod affirmatively and say, uh-huh, and yep, and for sure.

Sometimes we even bust out the fake laughter to paper over a little bit of awkwardness when

we need to.

We do these things when people are talking because we know it signals the right thing.

It's polite.

We're deep down, we're in our own heads.

We're thinking about ourselves or God knows what.

In other words, we're not listening.

To the extent that this is common and maybe even increasingly common, what price are we

paying?

What are we losing by listening less and less?

I'm Sean Elling and this is the Gray Area.

Today's guest is Kate Murphy.

Kate is a journalist and the author of the book, You're Not Listening, What You're Missing

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