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The Dr. Hyman Show

How To Have Successful Relationships with Esther Perel

The Dr. Hyman Show

Dr. Mark Hyman

Nutrition, Medicine, Health & Fitness

4.5 • 9.1K Ratings

🗓️ 30 December 2021

⏱️ 64 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

How To Have Successful Relationships | This episode is brought to you by Rupa Health, Athletic Greens, and Cozy Earth Modern love comes with an unprecedented list of expectations. Relationships can of course be a source of amazing connection and joy, but they can also be really hard. We want our partner to be our best friend, lover, confidant, coworker, therapist, and so much more. We want from one person what an entire village used to provide. To take it a step further, we want a soul mate; we want in another human what we used to look for in the realm of the divine. We want that person to help us become the best version of ourselves. I’ve been extremely lucky in my life with my career and friendships, but romantic relationships haven’t come easy for me. I was thrilled to take a deeper look at this part of my life in this episode with my dear friend Esther Perel. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel. This episode is brought to you by Rupa Health, Athletic Greens, and Cozy Earth. Rupa Health is a place for Functional Medicine practitioners to access more than 2,000 specialty lab tests from over 20 labs like DUTCH, Vibrant America, Genova, Great Plains, and more. You can check out a free live demo with a Q&A or create an account at RupaHealth.com.  Athletic Greens is offering Doctor’s Farmacy listeners a full year supply of their Vitamin D3/K2 Liquid Formula free with your first purchase, plus 5 free travel packs. Just go to athleticgreens.com/hyman to take advantage of this great offer. Nice bedding can feel like a big investment, so Cozy Earth makes it super easy to try out their products with a 30-day free trial and 10-year warranty. Plus, right now they are offering 40% off. Just go to cozyearth.com use the code HYMANPODCAST40 at checkout.   Here are more of the details from our interview (time-stamps correlate with audio version of the podcast):  Our expectations of romantic relationships have drastically changed over time (7:42) Our childhood sets us up for difficulty in romantic relationships (10:42) Why we choose partners who activate our own specific issues (14:53) What drives couples to divorce and why the end of a relationship does not necessarily equate to failure (18:36) What brings couples to couples therapy today vs. in past decades (23:13) Four relationship killers (33:05) What makes a relationship successful? (34:27) The card game that Esther created during the pandemic to incorporate lightness and play into our relationships  (41:01) How our relationship to giving and receiving impacts our relationships (51:51) Esther’s main nuggets of wisdom from her work with couples (1:00:19) Learn more about Esther Perel at https://www.estherperel.com/ and her new card game, Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories at https://www.estherperel.com/where-should-we-begin-the-game. Follow Esther on Facebook @Esther.Perel, on Instagram @EstherPerelOfficial, and on Twitter @EstherPerel.

Transcript

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0:00.0

Coming up on this episode of The Doctors' Pharmacy.

0:03.6

Couples therapy really became a discipline of its own in the center that it is today,

0:09.6

when the expectations around intimate relationships began to rise.

0:15.2

The more we expect from the couple and the more we need couples therapy to help us with those expectations.

0:22.2

Hey everyone, as 2021 comes to a close, my team and I are excited to re-air some of our best episodes of the year.

0:29.2

And thank you for listening to the podcast. It's truly one of my favorite things to do.

0:34.0

We wish you all the best for a happy and healthier head and now on to the episode.

0:43.2

Welcome to The Doctors' Pharmacy and that's a pharmacy with an F. I'm Dr. Mark Heimann

0:47.7

and this is a place for conversations that matter and if you've ever been in a relationship,

0:52.4

which I think is most of us, this conversation is going to matter to you because it's with

0:57.1

one of my good friends, an extraordinary teacher, visionary, and wise woman on the subject of all

1:05.9

things relationship, Esther Perel. Esther is an icon, not just a human, but mostly I know her as a human.

1:13.5

She's a psychotherapist, she's a New York Times best-selling author.

1:17.9

She's recognized as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern relationships,

1:22.0

which are complicated. She's fluent in nine languages, which would be enough for her resume

1:26.4

if that's all there was and I'm so jealous of that. She practices in New York City and is an

1:33.3

organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her TED talks are amazing.

1:38.8

They've garnered over 30 million views and her best-selling books, which you should read,

1:43.8

called Made In Captivity and the State of Affairs. And it's not a political book. It's not

1:48.8

relationships. Our global phenomena that are translated into 30 languages, she's also the executive

1:54.8

producer and host of two podcasts, not just one. Where should we begin and how's work? Where should

2:00.7

we begin? Essentially, it's a podcast where you get to be in a therapist's office with a couple

...

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