How To Have Successful Relationships with Esther Perel

The Dr. Hyman Show

Dr. Mark Hyman

Nutrition, Medicine, Health & Fitness

4.5 • 9.1K Ratings

🗓️ 30 December 2021

⏱️ 67 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Modern love comes with an unprecedented list of expectations. Relationships can of course be a source of amazing connection and joy, but they can also be really hard. We want our partner to be our best friend, lover, confidant, coworker, therapist, and so much more. We want from one person what an entire village used to provide. To take it a step further, we want a soul mate; we want in another human what we used to look for in the realm of the divine. We want that person to help us become the best version of ourselves. I’ve been extremely lucky in my life with my career and friendships, but romantic relationships haven’t come easy for me. I was thrilled to take a deeper look at this part of my life in this episode with my dear friend Esther Perel. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel. Here are more of the details from our interview: Our expectations of romantic relationships have drastically changed over time (4:08) Our childhood sets us up for difficulty in romantic relationships (7:08) Why we choose partners who activate our own specific issues (11:19) What drives couples to divorce and why the end of a relationship does not necessarily equate to failure (15:02) What brings couples to couples therapy today vs. in past decades (19:40) Four relationship killers (27:10) What makes a relationship successful? (28:32) The card game that Esther created during the pandemic to incorporate lightness and play into our relationships (35:06) How our relationship to giving and receiving impacts our relationships (45:55) Esther’s main nuggets of wisdom from her work with couples (54:24) Learn more about Esther Perel at https://www.estherperel.com/ and her new card game, Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories at https://www.estherperel.com/where-should-we-begin-the-game. Follow Esther on Facebook @Esther.Perel, on Instagram @EstherPerelOfficial, and on Twitter @EstherPerel.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Coming up on this episode of the doctor's pharmacy.
0:03.7	Couples therapy really became a discipline of its own in the center that it is today
0:09.3	when the expectations around intimate relationships began to rise.
0:15.1	The more we expect from the couple and the more we need couples therapy to help us with those expectations.
0:22.1	Have you ever wished there was a trusted space where you could get real support on your
0:25.5	health journey, where your questions get answered and you don't feel like you're doing it all
0:29.2	alone? That's exactly what's happening inside my brand new membership community, the Hyman
0:34.2	Hive, and I couldn't be more excited about it. Thousands of members are already inside sharing wins, asking meaningful questions, and
0:41.4	supporting one another like never before.
0:43.2	The conversations are powerful, the camaraderie is real, and the community is growing
0:47.1	every day.
0:48.4	Inside the Hive, you'll get monthly live sessions with me, office hours with our resident,
0:52.1	functional nutritionist, science-backed protocols, monthly challenges, behind-the-scenes content, and so much more, all designed to help you create healthier habits that actually stick. Whether you're just getting started or fine-tuning your routine, the hive meets you where you are and gives you the tools and support to keep going. If you're ready to take control of your health with a community that truly gets it,
1:11.3	join us at Dr.hyman.com slash hive. That's Dr.heiman.com forward slash hive, H-I-V-E.
1:17.6	Hey, everyone. As 2021 comes to a close, my team and I are excited to re-air some of our best episodes
1:23.4	of the year. And thank you for listening to the podcast. It's truly one of my favorite things to do.
1:29.3	We wish you all the best for a happy and healthy your head. And now on to the episode.
1:38.3	Welcome to the doctor's pharmacy, and that's a pharmacy with an F. I'm Dr. Mark Hyman,
1:43.0	and this is a place for conversations that matter.
1:45.2	And if you've ever been in a relationship, which I think is most of us,
1:49.1	this conversation is going to matter to you because it's with one of my good friends,
1:54.0	an extraordinary teacher, visionary, and wise woman on the subject of all things relationship, Esther Perel.
	...

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