Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Relationship Theory!

I'm your host, Tom Billio, and I'm here with my beloved wife. Hey, baby. I'm Senior. And yes, it's been crazy. You've been having a blast. Like the last couple nights, I've been like, I'll be to bed in like 10 minutes. And then I've been getting to bed crazy late, which is so weird. But this comic thing manages reminding me of what film school is like, where it's like deadlines aren't going anywhere

and they are going to happen and there are so many people that it affects if you miss it. So yeah, crazy tone. But what I love is, like, I've, and I think I said this before, like there's a spark in you when you do creative things like this. And I love seeing that so much, even though now I'm getting to see even less of you if I've thought that was possible.

I don't know, I'm okay with it because less of you, if I've thought that was possible.

I don't know, I'm okay with it, because it really warms my heart that I know how happy you are. Well, thank you. So, yeah. Nice, well I dig that. It's been 17 years of drumming that into me. It has, well, I've always said in everybody listening, I will tell you right now, now, marry a good Greek girl. And if you're super ambitious,

marry a good Greek girl who grew up

with a super ambitious father because she will tell you right now, now, Mary a good Greek girl. And if you're super ambitious,

Mary a good Greek girl who grew up with a super ambitious father because she will cut you so much slack. I remember the first time I was insanely abusive doing phone calls while we were on vacation and you didn't give me a hard time about it. And I was like, if I wasn't already married to this woman, I would marry her again just for this. I think it's really important to know that when you give me your time,

though, you give it to me.

And like with my dad, like he was busy all the time, you know, I've told stories of he's got my 18th birthday, not what I hold on to. Really let that go. I'm definitely not emotionally attached to it now, it's just like I remember it. But like even with all this,

I never felt unloved when I was around him. So when I was with him, he would cook for us. He would take us row boat as rowing, row boating. What am I? Seat heating, heat seating, which isn't? In a pond. That's an inside door. Everyone listening to right now. What the hell? So. but he really was attentive.

And that, like as a kid, I always remember thinking like, when I'm with him, I feel love. And that's exactly how I feel with you. It's not about the amount of hours you give me. It's the type of hours you do give me. So when I think about last weekend, for instance, it was my birthday. And with my birthday present, work is coming

in, panting. With my birthday present itself, I had bought it, I put it in your closet and I was like, okay, and just get someone to wrap it. Thank you very much. And you were like, thank God, I don't know if they think about it and you were totally fine. But on my birthday weekend, which people are listening, we do birthday weekends, where we get to spend the weekend together and we do whatever that person wants to do.

You are so lovely and you are so attentive and so caring and I made it to try that. It's like, is he insulting to say he was like my seventh? I was literally like, you're so... But you were and you did it. You did it with such a smile on your face and such enthusiasm that the time that I had with you, like I felt special because the one thing you don't have much of is your time. So when you gave me it felt very special to me. So I don't need it all the time. And I think that's just important for people, I guess, listening, like try it out with your partner, like when you're with them, be present, put your phone down, be engaging, figure out how you make each other happy what you can do together, and not sweat the small things of like, you said you were going to be home at seven, but you're home at eight, and you know, at least for me. And then schedule that time, because as you were saying, like, oh, it doesn't matter so much the amount of time as long as it's quality, and there's a lot of truth to that, but it's really important to spend time together. And there is such a thing as not enough time. And so making sure that you're showing through your actions that this is an investment, this is something that you want, that this is something that's important to you to carve out the time. And there was definitely a period in our relationship where I didn't do that. And even if I spent the same amount of time with you, definitely was less quality, because I wasn't tuned into really knowing how to be super present, but it also was random. So it wasn't something that we could look forward to or we knew, ah, Saturday, that's our day, whatever. So having that built in, even people that listen to the content is so funny, they know that Saturdays are day. And so people like, I've had people not even like want to DM me because they're like, well, it's Saturday and so I don't want to. Yeah, yeah. So that's cool. Like that. We've been so consistent with that that even in the content it comes out because that's like we're super protective of that. So I try never to travel on Saturdays like I have a whole host of things that I try not to do just to make sure that we have time together. Yeah and we've learned our patterns. So when you've got travel on weekends like I know that it starts to build up on me actually doesn't with you but it does build up on me. So I look at our calendar, I look at your travel plan, I try to see what days your propons are choking. I try to see, okay, well, oh, you're away two weekends in a row. All right, babe, that means that I know myself well enough and I know that by the second weekend, I'm going to feel the burn because what's going to happen is the second weekend, I haven't spent two weekends with you. You come home late Sunday night and then you're going to go fall into work mode on Monday. So technically for me, it's going to feel like three weeks. I know myself. I have learned in the past that three weeks is way too long for me to connect with you. And if I know that, I have to be proactive and I have started to be proactive over like this last couple of years and going, okay, that means I need to spend time with you. That means that hey, when do you have a night, the Friday before you leave or the Thursday before you leave where me and you can do something so that we never get to the point of then feeling the burn because at least for me when I start to feel the burn, I just, I feel disconnected with you, I don't feel like we're on the same page, we share our lives together, our work

and our personal.

So I feel disconnected with you. I don't feel like we're on the same page. We share our lives together, our work and our personal. So I feel disconnected on a work thing because my life's changing during work hours and I wanna talk to you about things and I can't. So yeah. Yeah, that's huge. And communicating that, make sure the other person knows and all that. Like you said, we've done a great job of not letting that become a problem because it's predictable and I'm obsessed with this notion that if it's predictable, it shouldn't be frustrating because you can deal with it. Like you know it's coming, so do something to address it. And yeah, this is in particular something and it's not that I don't burn out, it's that we don't burn out on the same time scale. So I would really start to like be frazzled if we didn't get time to connect and all of that.

But two things are different about us one. I just have a longer Leash on that or a longer fuse on that stuff where it really begins to bother me and then the other thing is When I'm doing something I'm so into it. I'll forget to eat I'll forget to to do anything and everything, I'm so into the thing that I'm doing and working on, that even though there may be another region of my brain that's really bothered that I'm not spending time with you, like I would get through any problem in my life by working. So, I just imagine whatever grand tragedy awaits all of us, when that grand tragedy happens for me, I will put my head down and get to work. Yeah. And recognizes no differences are important, communicating those differences, but also respecting each other because that's another thing. I remember thinking like, oh God, but if I ask for his time, am I going to be perceived as

needy and then I get in my own head about feeling needy and needy doesn't make me feel good.

So then I'm more, I'm less likely to ask you, which then kind of spirals into, now I'm

not spending time with you because I haven't said anything and it's like just a vicious loop.

True.

All right, should we get to the question?

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