How to Defuse Any Situation | Gary Noesner

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 28 July 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Former FBI crisis negotiator Gary Noesner joins AJ and Johnny to unpack what it means to lead—and survive—under pressure. With over 30 years of field experience in prison riots, armed standoffs, and emotionally charged confrontations, Gary reveals what separates panic from poise and noise from influence. They break down the psychological mechanics of negotiation, how to build trust when lives are at stake, and why the best negotiators don’t dominate—they disarm. Gary also shares how emotional neutrality, tone of voice, and even silence can be decisive tools when everything is on the line. Whether you're navigating a boardroom, a conflict, or your own internal reactions, this episode gives you an elite mental framework forged in the FBI’s toughest scenarios. What to Listen For[00:00:00] Gary’s 30-year FBI career and what makes a good negotiator[00:03:49] The difference between control and dominance in conflict[00:07:16] What “emotional neutrality” really means in crisis situations[00:11:02] Why listening can be more powerful than persuasion[00:14:35] The importance of tone and tempo in gaining trust[00:17:58] How Gary handles aggression without escalating it[00:21:40] The role of ego in failed negotiations[00:26:33] Gary’s rules for de-escalating fast-moving tension[00:30:19] What civilians get wrong about confrontation[00:33:44] Takeaways from three decades of high-stakes negotiation A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Episode resources: GaryNoesner.com Stalling for Time Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, everyone. We'd love to share a podcast that's been helping us think differently about leadership.
0:04.6	It's called superhero leadership, hosted by Peter Keneo, former CEO of Marvel. And what we love about
0:10.1	this show is how Peter breaks down leadership and the practical essentials that you can actually use.
0:15.2	Each week, he interviews top performers from business, media, and beyond. People who've mastered
0:19.9	the art of impact and resilience. They explore what it really takes to rise, media, and beyond. People who've mastered the art of impact and resilience.
0:22.1	They explore what it really takes to rise, inspire, and lead with purpose. There's this episode
0:27.4	with Michael Fabiano from ESG News that really hit home for us. He talks about how leaders can run
0:32.8	towards challenges, drive innovation when people resist change, and create environments where bold ideas
0:38.5	actually thrive.
0:39.6	As coaches who work with leaders every day, we know how rare these skills really are.
0:44.7	If you want to level up your leadership, whether you're managing a team or just leading
0:48.4	yourself better, this podcast gives you a real blueprint.
0:51.7	Search for superhero leadership wherever you get your podcast.
0:55.1	Trust us.
0:55.8	It's worth your time.
0:57.9	I've ruled out uni because I want to live at home.
1:00.3	I've ruled out uni because I want to earn money.
1:03.6	I've ruled out uni because of my grades.
1:08.0	Study with the Open University and there's no need to rule out anything.
1:11.8	With our respected degrees, you can learn from home and work alongside study.
1:16.0	We're open to all.
1:17.5	Plus, you'll have the support of expert tutors.
	...

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