What up guys, this is your homey Lisa Beliu and you're probably heard the sad start that 50% of marriages end in divorce nowadays

But have you heard that only 5% of marriages actually end up lasting more than 50 years?

Now when it comes to marriage, I think most of us go into it hoping to have a long, happy fulfilling marriage and be part of that 5%

Who make it to their 50th wedding anniversary? I mean, certainly do. And yet, even with all this good intention, more than half of us are making the wrong choices in a partner. And that's why today guys, I am joined by the amazing Stephanie E.K. Okafour, an incredible and inspiring author, pastor, businesswoman and podcast host who is bringing their brick and heat today to talk all about the misconceptions and dating, marriage and what is causing so much unhappiness in relationships and divorce. Like did you actually know that there are five traits you should be looking for in a man that will make them great potential husbands? And trust me, no, it is not handsome or tall or makes me laugh. These are deep and I can almost guarantee that you've never thought to pay attention to most of them. And there are five traits that you need to have to be a good partner and some other things on Stephanie's list might actually ruffle some feathers. But let's face it guys, it takes two baby and what you bring to the partnership is just as important as the partner you pick. Now we also talk about what you need to do to actually make sure that you find real love and the right teammate for a happy, long-lasting partnership together. So by the end of this episode, my home, you'll know exactly what to look for a man or a partner. So you don't end up wasting time and time and time and getting dating all the wrong people and you'll also leave knowing exactly what to ask and you know exactly what to ask and what to do to make sure that your marriage and relationship will be one that actually ends up lasting 50 plus happy joyous years. Alright, without further ado guys, let's's dive in. I'm Lisa Billy, and welcome to Women of Impact. The average relationship only lasts two years and nine months. Yeah. And 50% of marriages end in divorce. So Stephanie, for those of us who want to actually have a beautiful, long-lasting relationship, what on earth are we doing wrong? So what you're seeing on media is this excitement of like when I get married or when I'm in this comming the relationship, it's all exciting, right? So in essence, your intention is for someone to constantly make you happy, to constantly meet your needs, to constantly be all about you and you lose sight on the other person. And so if you're coming into something that involves two people, but your intention is self-focus at some point is gonna break. Because at what point are both people serving each other? And rather than just focusing on the expectation of serve me, serve me, serve me, and it's not about serving each other. And so the intention of why people are getting in relationships really has to be qualified. But if you're only hype on emotions and you don't really get to know the soul of a person, how they think, how they feel, how they live, their decision-making, their habits, the way they see life, when you start to do life with them, and you end the and you don't know what to do, you can't handle it. It's like, oh, let me go to the next one. Okay, there's so much that you actually say that what qualifies them. So let's actually talk about the qualifications, if you will, of what makes an amazing husband or partner and what makes an amazing one. Amazing. Well, starting with an amazing husband, we still see that men bring in this sense of leadership to a home. No matter where women are killing it, even look at this pocket, women of impact, we are killing it. But at the end of the day, a woman still wants to enter that feminine space. When she's home, there's this space where she wants to feel loved and seen and nurtured and taken care of, right? Not in a sense that makes her idol or ineffective because women are powerful and they have a purpose in this world that is a force in itself, right? But a woman, when the woman is around the man, a man brings in this sense of leadership,

this sense of safety, this sense of, you know what, I'm even in his decision making, but he's been mindful of the woman, right? I think where many women have felt oppressed by men is this sense of that the man is making decisions that is absent of her, like cover emotions, absent of her intelligence, right? But I think when you think of the qualities of a good man, number one, he's a good leader, right? And so to be a good leader, you have to be a student of something. You have to be a student of something that brings you to a place of humility, brings you to a place of knowing how to be a good steward that brings you to a place of humility,

brings you to a place of knowing how to be a good steward,

brings you to a place of knowing how to love.

What is he following?

What are the people? Who are the people in his ear?

That's why, as a Nigerian, as well,

families will always say, like, you marry a person's family.

What they mean by that is whoever you're getting married to,

you're also marrying the people that influence him.

And so he has to be a good leader, but that is also qualified by what shapes his leadership. Right. I think women should always be intrigued by what books do you read? What are your favorite movies? What are the things you listen to? What are the podcasts you listen to? Because when you know how a man thinks, you're going to know how he leads. Growing up for me, I'm very traditional.

So growing up, I saw my dad sit at the head of the table.

He was the man at the house. Because when you know how a man thinks, you're going to know how he leads. Growing up, for me, I'm very traditional.

So growing up, I saw my dad sit at the head of the table. He was the man at the house. He was never abusive. He was very respectful. He was very dominant. And I very much admired that. Then you cut to, I get as an adult and I get told by other women that women should never follow. Women should always be the leader. need to be the equal. So I went really hard. I didn't go quite hard into saying I was a

feminist but I was definitely for pro women. And what I've realized in my aging is that, oh, I absolutely can be a fricking badass, I can be strong, I can be confident, I can be independent, and I can also feel very comfortable in having my husband lead. And that doesn't make me weaker. Exactly. But how much of that do you think holds us back? Because when you say find somebody who is a leader, do you find pushback in today's society where people are saying, like, well, so you want us to follow? No, absolutely. I think because even the word submission is like a trigger word for women. Like I'm not going to submit and da da da da da da. But when you also look at it like and I think because even the word submission is like a trigger word for women. Like, I'm not going to submit it. But when you also look at it, like, and I think more times we need to learn about, you know, the woman needs to understand the man, the man needs to understand the woman. Most men will tell you their love language is respect. There's a way that we are wired that is so innate to us. And when we go out of, you know, how we were designed, what we're met with is a lot of tension and a lot of short-lived relationships. Because I get into it from a place of, you know, chemicals and hormones and excitement or whatever. And then I realize, yeah, this is not what will work for me long term. You see how women will confuse sex with commitment, right? So they look at a man who just loves the sexual energy or loves the sexual connection with the woman, and that's how they end up getting married or whatever. But then he wakes up and he's like, I never really loved you, I just enjoyed this.

Right, because they can disconnect the two.

It's not the same for men and women.

Right, a man can have sex with her being in love with a woman that, you know, she could, but it's much harder. Yeah, I actually heard the study that men can keep having sex and not activate their oxytocin. Oh, yes. but a woman can still have insects and not activate it,

but it's done.

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