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10% Happier with Dan Harris

How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

10% Happier with Dan Harris

10% Media, LLC

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 12.9K Ratings

🗓️ 20 February 2023

⏱️ 73 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.   


Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.


This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair. 


In this episode we talk about:

  • Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
  • The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called "displacement theory"
  • The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness 
  • Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
  • What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
  • How to reframe social rejection
  • The importance of generosity
  • How to handle conflict with your friends
  • The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
  • When to walk away from a relationship 
  • How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
  • How to deal with social anxiety
  • And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends



Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marisa-g-franco-561

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is the 10% Happier Podcast.

0:06.0

I'm Dan Harris.

0:11.2

Hey gang, did you know that having a large social network can decrease your risk of death

0:26.9

by 45% that's more than the benefits conferred by exercise and diet?

0:33.2

Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed and that it can improve your

0:37.2

marriage if you're in one?

0:39.4

As Aristotle once said, without friendship, no one would choose to live.

0:44.0

And yet we are in what some have called a friendship famine.

0:48.2

One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years.

0:53.3

And slash but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if

0:58.6

they only knew how.

1:00.4

My guest today has written a best-selling book about how understanding your own psychological

1:04.9

makeup, what's called your attachment style, can help you make and keep friends.

1:11.2

Dr. Marissa G. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland.

1:15.9

Her book is called Platonic.

1:18.8

In this conversation, we talk about why friendship is undervalued in her view in our society

1:23.1

while romantic love is overvalued and why this is damaging both on a societal level

1:29.2

and an individual level.

1:31.6

The impact of technology on our relationships, as explained by something called displacement

1:35.8

theory, the biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological

1:40.6

and psychological impacts of loneliness.

1:43.6

We also talk about a variant called collective loneliness.

...

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