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10% Happier with Dan Harris

How to Handle Family Drama | Nedra Glover Tawwab

10% Happier with Dan Harris

10% Media, LLC

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.612.9K Ratings

🗓️ 15 February 2023

⏱️ 69 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.

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If you're part of a family, you've probably experienced some level of drama. Maybe it's minor annoyances, like an uncle who chews too loudly. Maybe it's divorce, sibling rivalry, or abuse. There are lots of flavors in this noxious cornucopia.


Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed clinical social worker and the author of the new book Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. She's here to talk about how to handle family drama of all types.


This is episode two of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair. 


Content Warning: There are some brief mentions of rape and incest in this conversation. We also talk about substance abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic abuse.


In this episode we talk about:

  • Nedra's own experiences with family dysfunction
  • The terms boundary issues, enmeshment, and codependency
  • The uncomfortable realization that you might be (at least part of) the problem
  • The limits of compassion
  • What to remember if you choose to spend time with a family member with whom you have a difficult relationship
  • Why you should not "un-become" yourself just to fit in with your family
  • Why shaming people doesn't make them better–and what does
  • The temptation of receding into a victim mentality, and how to avoid it
  • When to end a relationship
  • What the term "toxic forgiveness" means
  • Some of the myths about forgiveness
  • And her remedies for various family drama scenarios, including: How do you get your mom to see a therapist?



Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/nedra-glover-tawwab-559

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is the 10% happier podcast.

0:07.2

I'm Dan Harris.

0:11.2

Hey, everybody.

0:21.1

If you're part of a family, I am quite sure you've experienced some level of family drama.

0:27.5

Maybe it's minor annoyances like an uncle who choose too loudly, or maybe it's more

0:32.0

serious stuff like divorce, sibling rivalry, alcoholism, or abuse.

0:37.2

There are many flavors in this noxious cornucopia.

0:41.2

And it goes right to one of the central conundrums of being a human, which is that we need other

0:47.1

people to be happy.

0:48.8

And yet other people can be a gigantic, titanic, asic.

0:53.0

My guest today is going to talk about how to deal with all kinds of family drama.

0:58.2

Nedra Glover-Tawab is a licensed clinical social worker and the author of the book, Drama

1:03.8

Free, a guide to managing unhealthy family relationships, which will be released later this

1:10.5

month and is available for pre-order right now.

1:13.8

This is her second appearance on the show.

1:15.4

We had her on about a year ago to talk about her best-selling book about boundary setting.

1:20.7

In this conversation, we talked about Nedra's own experiences with family dysfunction,

1:25.2

the terms boundary issues, enmeshment and codependency, the uncomfortable realization

1:31.1

that you might be at least part of the problem, the limits of compassion, what to remember

1:36.8

if you choose to spend time with a family member with whom you have a difficult relationship,

1:41.9

why you should not unbecome yourself just to fit in with your family, why shaming people

1:46.7

doesn't make them better and what does, the temptation of receding into a victim mentality

...

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