How to Get Over Rejection | Florence Williams
10% Happier with Dan Harris
10% Media, LLC
4.6 • 12.9K Ratings
🗓️ 22 February 2023
⏱️ 69 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
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This is the last episode in our four-part series where we're counter-programming against the way Valentine's Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.
Today we're probing a mystery: Why, from an evolutionary standpoint do we take heartbreak and rejection so hard? It can send the body and mind into a vicious spiral. As one genomics researcher has said, "heartbreak is one of the hidden landmines of human existence."
There are countless pieces of art dedicated to heartbreak. Songs, movies, poems, the list is pretty much endless. But what does science say? Why does this happen to us? How exactly does the body react to a bad break up, from a romantic partnership, or a friendship or even a job? And what can we do to get over it?
These are the questions the writer, Florence Williams decided to tackle after her own 25 year marriage fell apart. And the answers are fascinating.
Florence Williams is a science journalist and author, and a contributing editor at Outside Magazine. Her latest book is called, Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey. It is just out in paperback, and has been nominated for the PEN/Wilson Award for Literary Science Writing.
In this episode we talk about:
- The passage of time as a way to heal all wounds
- The role purpose plays in recovery
- William's three part heartbreak recovery toolkit (calming down, connecting to other people and finding purpose)
- The connection between openness and resilience
- How to become more open to a lack of closure
- The good and bad news about heartbreak
- And, rejecting some of the conventional approaches to heartbreak
Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/florence-williams-562
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is the 10% Happier Podcast. I'm Dan Harris. |
| 0:20.0 | Hey, hey, we're probing a mystery on the show today. Why from an evolutionary standpoint, |
| 0:25.8 | do we take rejection and heartbreak so hard? It can send the body and the mind into a vicious spiral. |
| 0:33.2 | As one genomics researcher has said, heartbreak is one of the hidden landmines of human existence. |
| 0:40.8 | There are countless pieces of art dedicated to heartbreak, songs, movies, poems. The list is |
| 0:46.5 | pretty much endless. But what does science say? Why does this happen to us? And how exactly does the |
| 0:53.3 | body react to a bad breakup from a romantic partnership, a friendship, even a job? And of course, |
| 0:59.6 | this question, how do we get over it? These are all questions that the writer Florence Williams |
| 1:05.0 | decided to tackle after her own 25-year marriage fell apart. And the answers she found are fascinating. |
| 1:12.6 | Florence Williams has a science writer and author and a contributing editor at Outside Magazine. |
| 1:18.0 | Her new book is called Heartbreak, a personal and scientific journey. It's just out in paperback |
| 1:24.2 | and has been nominated for the Penn Wilson Award for Literary Science Writing, which is a big deal. |
| 1:29.6 | In this conversation, we talked about how men and women react differently to heartbreak and rejection, |
| 1:34.1 | a medical phenomenon called broken heart syndrome. Why Williams believes we can feel heartbreak |
| 1:40.1 | individually as well as collectively, whether heartbreak is an evolutionary feature or bug. |
| 1:46.0 | Why some people don't get over heartbreak very easily. The health impacts for both the dumper and |
| 1:51.7 | the dumpy contagious trauma versus contagious resilience. And the many, many things Williams tried |
| 1:59.2 | in her own effort to recover from heartbreak, including talk therapy, spending time with other |
| 2:04.4 | people who are experiencing heartbreak EMDR, which is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, |
| 2:11.4 | visiting the museum of broken relationships and embracing nature. Just to say, this is the final |
| 2:17.6 | episode in our two week Valentine's Day counter programming series. If you missed the prior episodes |
| 2:23.3 | in which we explored friendship, family drama, and the myths of love and sex, go check them out. |
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