How Placating Hurts Marriage #755
Sexy Marriage Radio
Dr Corey and Pam Allan
4.6 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 19 November 2025
⏱️ 23 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, our conversation explores the dynamics of conflict in relationships, focusing on defensive responses and communication patterns that can escalate tensions.
Pam and I share personal experiences of how defensiveness can hinder effective communication and lead to frustration between spouses.
Enjoy the show!
On the Xtended Version …
In the XTD content, we continue our conversation into why marital communication is so difficult. And it's not because we have trouble communicating!
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The post How Placating Hurts Marriage #755 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome back to another episode of Sexy Marriage Radio. |
| 0:05.1 | And let's just jump right in because today's episode's all about marital communication. |
| 0:09.1 | Perfect. |
| 0:09.7 | So when we were talking ahead of the time, it was like, well, this would be like communication 101. |
| 0:13.6 | But I think it's actually going to be like communication 301 or 401 or 501, one of the deeper end to it. |
| 0:20.5 | Yeah, it's way past the we just don't communicate. Right. So this is the email from a wife that just came in that says, I've been listening to the podcast a couple of years now. My husband occasionally listens as well when I send him an episode. We're recently struggling with an issue, however. We've been married for 17 years. We have four kids and it's been quite the journey. |
| 0:40.4 | For the most part, we usually work through our issues, but the last few months we've noticed |
| 0:44.7 | that when my husband confronts me about something, usually in the form of asking a question, |
| 0:49.3 | I don't answer the question and I end up responding with what I think he's wanting me to say which then |
| 0:55.7 | escalates things and he gets frustrated and I shut down after going through this a few times we've come to |
| 1:00.9 | the conclusion that when I feel like there's a conflict I instantly get defensive and try to placate |
| 1:05.7 | and I don't even realize I'm doing it in the moment so I grew up with emotionally emotionally immature parents, and it's helped me, and it's messed me up a little. |
| 1:13.7 | I'm not sure how to get out of the cycle. |
| 1:15.8 | I know I'm safe with my husband, and I know he's not trying to attack, yet it triggers this response. |
| 1:21.1 | What can I do to work through this? |
| 1:23.6 | Thank you. |
| 1:26.2 | Well, since this is an ongoing conversation that we get to have with the nation, |
| 1:30.0 | and then specifically we get to have conversations based on how questions come in and frame it. |
| 1:35.9 | Just a quick plug, if people out there in the nation want to have a conversation with us too, |
| 1:41.8 | email us and feedback at sexy marriage radio.com or 214-702-9-5-6-5 |
| 1:46.9 | is the voicemail line. But here's what's interesting to me when you think about this because |
| 1:50.8 | some of this is there's nothing going wrong and the way things get revealed in us in marriage. |
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