How Not to Ruin Your Relationships | Drs. John & Julie Gottman
10% Happier with Dan Harris
10% Media, LLC
4.6 • 12.9K Ratings
🗓️ 7 February 2024
⏱️ 69 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
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What 40 years of research tells us about how to cultivate good relationships in our lives.
World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute and Affective Software Inc. as well as author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Dr. Julie Gottman is the Co-Founder and President of The Gottman Institute and Co-Founder of Affective Software, Inc. A highly respected clinical psychologist and author, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert advisor on marriage, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex marriage, and parenting issues. She is the co-creator of the immensely popular The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples and she also co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples Therapy.
In this episode we talk about:
- how to talk (and listen) to your partner in moments of conflict
- what to do before you start trying to solve a problem together
- why "there's no such thing as constructive criticism"
- the details of John's research findings, which have allowed him to predict with stunning accuracy whether a couple will get divorced
- how the Gottmans themselves do when it comes to operationalizing their findings/advice
- how and why betrayal occurs
- when a couple should consider separating
- the role mindfulness can play in healthy relationships
- and the role of humor in relationships.
Related Episodes:
- Six Buddhist Strategies for Getting Along Better with Everyone | Sister True Dedication
- The Science of Emotional Intelligence | Daniel Goleman
- Improving Your Relationships - Buddhist Style | Martine Batchelor
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Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | This is the 10% Happier Podcast. I'm Dan Harris. |
| 0:18.7 | Hello, my fellow suffering beings, how we doing today? Given what we know about the importance, |
| 0:25.0 | the primacy even, of relationships to a healthy and happy life, it is imperative that we understand |
| 0:31.1 | what science says about how to actually build and maintain healthy relationships. Today, |
| 0:36.8 | we've got two of the leading voices in this |
| 0:39.0 | field. Doctors Julie and John Gottman are the co-founders of the Gottman Institute. They have completed |
| 0:44.4 | over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. Loyal listeners will recall that we had |
| 0:50.5 | the Gottman's on the show on Monday to talk about their new book called Fight Right, |
| 0:55.1 | which is about, as the title suggests, how to have healthy arguments with your partner. |
| 0:59.2 | Today, though, we are dropping as a bonus. |
| 1:02.1 | My previous interview with the Gottman's, which makes for a perfect pairing, especially as we |
| 1:07.4 | come up on Valentine's Day here. |
| 1:09.9 | In this conversation, we talk about the role mindfulness can play in healthy relationships, |
| 1:13.7 | the role of humor, which is a double-edged sword, as you will hear. |
| 1:17.6 | We also talk about how and why betrayal or infidelity occurs when a couple should consider separating |
| 1:23.8 | and how the Gottman's themselves do when it comes to operationalizing their own |
| 1:28.7 | findings and advice. Before we dive in, just to say we've got some exciting things happening |
| 1:35.0 | in the 10% happier universe, we are now offering bespoke guided meditations to go with every |
| 1:43.1 | podcast episode. Those meditations will be guided by a |
| 1:47.3 | teacher of the month, all people who you know from the 10% cinematic universe, people who have |
| 1:52.8 | been on this podcast before. I like to think of the podcast as the lecture and then the guided |
| 1:58.4 | meditations as the lab. These meditations are available only for |
... |
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