How Forcing Kids to Do Stuff Backfires (And What to Do Instead)

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

JLML Press

Kids & Family, Parenting

4.7 • 3.8K Ratings

🗓️ 17 March 2026

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A parent describes the power struggles he and his partner go through with their daughter to get her to brush her teeth. The process has deteriorated into a wrestling match. While on the one hand, the parents feel it's their responsibility to make sure their toddler's teeth get brushed. On the other, they sense that they are damaging their relationship, perhaps permanently. This dad writes: "Part of me thinks a calm, confident leader just gets it done, but getting it done currently means two adults restraining a screaming, fighting child." Janet offers a different perspective on toothbrushing and other daily routines that emphasize cooperation over control. Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NoBadKidsCourse.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠JanetLansbury.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Please support our sponsors! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:30.1	I've always struggled to stay focused when I read, but when I listened to Colt Classic,
0:35.2	the secret history, everything changed.
0:38.3	Beauty is terror.
0:39.3	Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it, and what could be more terrifying and beautiful,
0:44.3	to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely.
0:48.3	Before I realized it, I'd been listening for an hour, lost in pure, immersive storytelling.
0:55.2	Life changes when you listen.
0:57.0	The Secret History by Donna Tart.
0:59.2	Now on Spotify.
1:02.6	Hi, this is Janet Lansfrey.
1:04.7	Welcome to Unruffled.
1:06.4	Today I'm going to be talking about understanding where we have the power to set firm boundaries
1:14.7	with our child and where we really don't.
1:18.9	And if we try to assert power there, we'll find that it backfires on us.
1:24.9	Specifically, I thought of this because I got a note from a parent who's finding that he and his
1:30.8	partner are needing to restrain their child to get them to brush their teeth. So I want to speak to
1:38.2	that question, and I'll share what I shared with this parent online, but also how this applies to other things that we
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