How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?

Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Dr. Julie Hanks

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 734 Ratings

🗓️ 13 September 2022

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, I coach Madeline and address the question, “How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?” Madeline shares that she struggles to make her voice a priority. Throughout her life she has placed great importance on other people’s approval, and because of this she feels guilt when she does set boundaries.I surmise that somewhere along the lines, Madeline got the message that the happiness of others means more than her own happiness. Now that she is wanting to d...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks, a safe place for healing conversations that educate and empower you to
0:23.2	prioritize your dreams, revolutionize your family, and personalize your faith. I'm your host,
0:29.2	Dr. Julie Hanks, a psychotherapist and coach offering online courses and programs to help women
0:34.5	all over the world heal themselves and their relationships.
0:38.3	Join me here every week as I coach a listener through a specific challenge and empower them with tools to find healing.
0:45.2	I'm so happy to welcome Madeline to the show today. Welcome, Madeline.
0:50.4	Hi, thank you. What is your question for me today?
0:54.7	My question is how do I release my need to please people, specifically family or even in church, like your church family, without feeling guilty?
1:09.4	You know, like making me and what I'm doing a priority and not feeling
1:16.1	bad about, you know, saying no or standing up for what I think should be different.
1:23.4	Sorry, that's probably a convoluted question.
1:26.2	No, no.
1:27.3	So it sounds like it's really important or it's been really important for you that people approve of what you do and think and you like to be helpful and that you've given that too much weight in your life.
1:41.5	Yes, I would totally agree with that.
1:44.1	Okay. And it sounds like when you have set
1:46.9	boundaries or said no or stood up, then you feel guilty. Yes. Did I get that right? Yeah.
1:55.0	Okay. Tell me a little bit more about the guilt? Like, I just feel bad.
2:01.0	Like, maybe I should be doing more or do it the way somebody else wants it to be.
2:06.5	Or, I don't know, like, I feel bad for having an opinion sometimes.
2:11.2	Okay.
2:12.1	But then, like, logically, I feel like I shouldn't feel bad for having an opinion.
2:16.4	Yeah.
	...

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