How do I not become my mother when parenting my own daughter?

Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Dr. Julie Hanks

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 734 Ratings

🗓️ 9 March 2021

⏱️ 17 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Marie and addresses the question, “How do I not become my mother when parenting my own daughter?” Some parents worry that intera ctions and patterns they experienced from their parents will transfer to their own children. It can also be difficult for parents to set boundaries with grandparents regarding what is and is not appropriate to say or do around their grandchildren. During this episode Dr. Hanks validates and encourages Marie, sharing that...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to ask Dr. Julie Hanks, a safe place for healing conversations that educate and empower women
0:22.9	to prioritize their dreams, revolutionize their families, and personalize their faith.
0:28.6	I'm your host, Dr. Julie Hanks, a therapist and coach offering online courses and programs
0:33.7	to help women all over the world heal themselves and their relationships. Join me here
0:39.2	every week as I coach a listener through a specific challenge and empower them with tools to
0:44.1	improve their lives and yours. With me today is Marie. Welcome to the show, Marie. Hi, thanks for
0:52.3	having me. Excited to be here. Thank you. Tell me your question for me today.
0:57.9	So I have a daughter. She's about a year and a half years old and I do plan to have more kids in the future.
1:04.6	But as I, you know, have started to raise her. I've been wondering, how does my relationship with my mother and how I've been
1:11.8	raised and how I interact with her, how does that affect how I parent my daughter at any
1:17.5	teacher kids? That's a great question. I want to answer that with a question.
1:22.4	Okay. So have you had things or situations come up with your daughter where it feels like
1:30.9	leftover emotions from your childhood coming up?
1:34.8	Sometimes.
1:36.1	Mostly I'm just for right now, I'm very aware of the way that I talk to her and the way
1:41.7	my mother talks to her.
1:47.7	Like for example, when I was growing up and whenever we would go like clothes shopping or whatever, back to school shopping, my mom would frequently make me and my
1:52.7	sister feel a little bad about our bodies based on the way that she would talk about her body or,
2:00.1	you know, comments that she would make about clothes that we would try on.
2:03.2	And so I'm very aware of, you know, when she's talking about herself, even though my daughter doesn't understand how the words that she's saying about herself and the way that it's going to impact her or if we go clothes shopping together for my daughter and, you know,
2:18.7	get something and she's like, oh, well, I don't know if she'll look good in that. Like she's a year
2:22.8	and a half. She's pretty much going to look good in anything. Yeah. It's just starting to pick up that it's like,
	...

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