How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?

Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Dr. Julie Hanks

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 734 Ratings

🗓️ 11 October 2022

⏱️ 15 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question, “How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?” Heather has noticed a pattern in her dating life where she is attracted to men who she has to work to please, and oftentimes those men can be cruel.We often tend to repeat emotional experiences that we had in our childhood. Heather and I talk about if she felt like she had to work to hear her parents’ love, approval, and attention. I encourage her to explore doing inner child work t...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks, a safe place for healing conversations that educate and empower you to
0:23.2	prioritize your dreams, revolutionize your family, and personalize your faith. I'm your host,
0:29.2	Dr. Julie Hanks, a psychotherapist and coach offering online courses and programs to help women
0:34.5	all over the world heal themselves and their relationships.
0:38.3	Join me here every week as I coach a listener through a specific challenge and empower them
0:43.0	with tools to find healing.
0:44.9	With me today on the podcast is Heather.
0:47.9	Welcome, Heather.
0:49.4	Hi, thanks for having me on.
0:51.5	What is your question for me today?
0:57.4	Well, I have a question related to dating.
1:04.6	Okay. So I am wondering, how do I change the type of man I'm attracted to?
1:12.4	Unfortunately, I feel like there's this pattern that's been going on for a long time. And like the men I'm attracted to make me work hard for their approval. And I heard you talk about this in a
1:19.7	podcast about like mistaking approval for love. And so I'm wondering if that's maybe part of it.
1:25.7	But anyways, and then, you know, the men who I don't have to work for that, you know, they just easily love me. I just never seem attracted to those men.
1:34.6	Okay. Frustrating. Yeah, yeah, totally. And not uncommon. Yeah, I'm sure. It's a common problem.
1:41.8	When you were little, did you have to work for either of your parents' love?
1:46.8	You know, I guess so, you know, not that they were meaning to, you know, make me work for
1:52.8	their approval.
1:53.1	I just think coming from a large, blended family, I was the youngest, like, just it was maybe
1:59.6	hard to get a lot of attention. Or maybe also I'm just a perfection youngest, like, just it was maybe hard to get a lot of attention. Or maybe also,
2:02.9	I'm just a perfectionist, like my nature and a pleaser. So it might have just been some of that
	...

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