How can I help support my boyfriend as he struggles with pornography?

Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Dr. Julie Hanks

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 734 Ratings

🗓️ 19 October 2021

⏱️ 24 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Allison and addresses the question “How can I help support my boyfriend as he struggles with pornography?” Reducing the shame surrounding pornography is important, and in most communities in the world, this isn’t a problem. It is a problem because we make it a problem. Viewing pornography doesn’t mean anything about you, your values, or your worth as a person. During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Allison’s experience and shares it is not your job t...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks, a safe place for healing conversations that educate and empower you to
0:23.2	prioritize your dreams, revolutionize your family, and personalize your faith. I'm your host,
0:29.2	Dr. Julie Hanks, a psychotherapist and coach offering online courses and programs to help women
0:34.5	all over the world heal themselves and their relationships.
0:38.3	Join me here every week as I coach a listener through a specific challenge and empower them
0:43.0	with tools to find healing.
0:45.3	I'm so happy today to have Allison on the show.
0:49.1	Welcome, Allison.
0:50.7	Hi, thank you so much for having me.
0:52.8	I'm so glad you're here.
0:54.5	What is your question for me today?
0:57.2	So my long-term boyfriend struggles with pornography and being a member of the LBS Church,
1:05.6	it is something that is frowned upon.
1:09.7	And I just, I want to know how I can best help him through his
1:14.4	struggles and how I can be a support to him. Wonderful. Okay. So what have you already done? How have
1:22.3	you supported him up into this point? Sounds like you've been together for a while. Yeah. Yeah. I think something that I really
1:29.3	admired about him is that he came forward within the first month of us dating and was very open
1:37.0	about how he had struggled with pornography and masturbation since he was a young adult and how within the past year he's really made
1:47.4	big strides to overcome that and seek counseling, seek group therapy. And I think that something
1:57.5	that we've been able to have is just this open dialogue. I think where we are
2:02.9	both struggling is how we can, how I can be a support to him besides just checking in and
2:10.3	talking about it every, every week or so. Yeah, I think the best thing you can do is to not take it on as your job to fix, change,
	...

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