Hey everyone. I hope you're having a wonderful spring. In the spirit of renewal, I wanted to share

something new that we've been working on. It's called The Nocturnous Plus, our new subscriber-only feed.

With a subscription, you'll get access to The Nocturnous After Hours, a monthly bonus series featuring original conversations between me and our executive producer Allie Block, along with discounts on our new merch and access to all of our episodes in one place.

To give you a taste of what it's like, here's a clip from our very first after-hours episode, where Allie and I talk about

the ups and downs of being the doctors in our own families. It was my first experience where

a health care provider was sort of using lines on me that I knew. So the biggest thing was he was

trying to transfer my dad out of the neuro ICU. And I was trying to argue that he was not ready to go to the floor. And I'm sure you're very familiar with this line. This ICU doc said what we say to patients in the hospital all the time, which is, you know, it's really much safer for your dad to be somewhere else. He could get an infection. He could get a DVT.

And I was just like, don't pull that with me. I know those lines. That's the nocturnous after

hours. We're really excited to see how the series evolves. It's been really fun so far.

And would love to hear your ideas, questions, and suggestions along the way.

If you want to join us in this new corner of our community, take a visit to the nocturness.org

slash plus.

Subscription start at just $10 a month.

And now, on to today's episode.

At the nocturness, we are careful to ensure that all stories comply with healthcare privacy laws.

Details may have been changed to ensure patient confidentiality.

All views expressed are those of the person speaking and not their employer.

This is The Nocturness, and I'm Emily Silverman.

Today's episode features Dr. Nikki Matal, a pulmonary and critical care physician. Nikki tells a story from the ICU about caring for a patient who had suffered a devastating brain injury after cardiac arrest and a family preparing to withdraw life support.

At the time, Nikki herself was going through a painful period in her personal life,

and after one difficult interaction with the patient's wife,

she left the room worried that she had failed in the one part of her job that matters most.

...