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Mom Can't Cook! A DCOM Podcast

Haul Out the Halloween

Mom Can't Cook! A DCOM Podcast

Luke Westaway & Andy Farrant

Tv & Film, Comedy

5.0944 Ratings

🗓️ 27 October 2025

⏱️ 139 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you were making a film and one of your characters was a petulant manbaby who was obsessed with rules, spent half of the film in a costume store pretending to be Gandalf and could only become aroused by enforcing the rules of the local homeowners' association, you'd imagine that character would be the villain, right?

Well, welcome to the Hallmark Channel's Haul Out the Halloween, where not only is this character, Jared, not the villain, he is also the romantic lead and deuteragonist, alongside his wife Emily. Emily and Jared live on Evergreen Lane, known as the most festive street in America, on account of how they go all in on Christmas decorations every year. But while they love Christmas, Halloween is banned because Emily got scared by a scarecrow once 25 years ago, and then her grandma died of unrelated causes several weeks later. But with the arrival of new spooky neighbours, played by Marnie and Kalabar Jr. from Halloweentown, the residents of Evergreen Lane decide that it might be ok to put up some plastic pumpkins this year, and still manage to turn it into a stressful ordeal because these people can't do anything right. Anyway, listen on for one of the most baffling films we've ever watched on this podcast, and enjoy!

If you crave bonus episodes of Mom Can't Cook!, monthly livestream watchalongs, or a shoutout at the end of the show, remember to check out our Patreon at Patreon.com/extrahelpings.

If you've watched Haul Out the Halloween and have your own thoughts, email them to us at momcantcookpod@gmail.com for a chance to have them read out on the show. Next time on Mom Can't Cook! we'll be watching 2005's Buffalo Dreams. See you then!

This episode is bought to you by Uncommon Goods, who make holiday shopping stress-free and joyful, with thousands of one-of-a-kind gifts you can’t find anywhere else. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/momcantcook - Don’t miss out on this limited-time offer! Uncommon Goods. We’re all out of the ordinary.

This episode is also sponsored by Insert Coin Clothing! Visit insertcoinclothing.com and use code HALLMARKOFTHEBEAST for 10% off online orders. Codes are not applicable on charity items, bundles, gift cards, postage and some products at launch. Codes cannot be combined with other deals or promotions and are valid until the end of 2025.

Thanks to Green Chef for making this episode possible. Make this fall your healthiest yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com/50MOMCANTCOOK and use code 50MOMCANTCOOK to get fifty percent off your first month, then twenty percent off for two months with free shipping.

Thanks also to sponsor HIMS! Try Hims’ hair loss solutions by starting your free online visit today at hims.com/momcantcook.

Contact Multitude for Advertising Inquiries: multitude.productions/ads

Check out the official Mom Can't Cook! store for sweet merch: momcantcookmerch.com and check out Mom Can't Cook! Extra Helpings for bonus episodes!

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

I'm a fish boy who skates for team X-blades with a lepricorn

0:07.0

who plays basketball. Come to my smart house

0:11.0

speed my alien sister don't come hungry

0:15.0

because I'll bet my mom can't cook Welcome mourners to Mom Can't Cook

0:27.0

I will be the director of this funeral

0:33.4

Luke Westaway

0:35.2

We are gathered here to mourn the passing of Hall Out the Halloween.

0:42.4

And here...

0:43.0

Yeah, I'm the other host, Annie Farron. Yes. And yes, my other...

0:47.7

The co-director of the funeral home. Andy, would you care to say a few words over the

0:53.7

eviscerated corpse of Hallout

0:55.7

the Halloween? Sure, Luke, I would absolutely love to join you in this bit, both wearing Victorian

1:01.5

morning dress, sort of top hats with crepe paper on them and all that stuff. And yeah,

1:06.0

sort of do a big, big funeral bit. But I just, I just cannot wait any longer to start destroying this movie,

1:13.5

one of the most infuriating films I've ever seen.

1:16.2

Yes.

1:16.9

All right, then.

1:18.0

Well, well, well, you don't have to, Andy.

1:20.4

I'm out of the bit.

1:21.4

Let's freaking go.

1:22.4

All right, good.

1:23.2

Let's pull the ejector seat.

...

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