Welcome to Nobody Told Me. I'm Jan Black. And I'm Laura Owens. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, but that may not be what you're experiencing if you're missing

someone who's passed away. Our guest on this episode is grief crisis consultant Harold Ivan Smith,

who's written many books on grief, including a Decembered grief, living with loss while others

are celebrating. Harold, thank you so much for joining us and trying to help our listeners

get through what may be a tough holiday season for them. Sure. And, you know, for some people,

it's almost like an anticipatory grief. There's been a diagnosis. There's been someone, the remission

has ended. So it's just like like will they be alive to Christmas or new

years but for others it's a sense of that surprise and I have often said in a split second your

ho-ho-ho can become an oh-oh-oh that. And I experienced that working in the funeral profession.

It's just suddenly those things change without our permission.

And tell us about how you came to be a grief specialist.

Really, when my grandfather died on Christmas Eve, when I was 11 years old.

And, you know, in those days in a rural Indiana, where he lived, everything closed up.

So there was nothing open.

I just remember it was my mother's father, and she was just so overwhelmed by the loss.

And, you know, it's odd.

All I can remember the funeral home is that it's dark in my memory.

I can remember a lot of details, but it just, and, you know, you're 10 years old, 11 years old,

you're sitting there, and your presence are home, and we know, you're 10 years old, 11 years old, you're sitting there and your

presents are home and we didn't open presents that year. It was just like when you go back to

school in January, well, how was your Christmas? My grandfather died. I think that was a critical

moment because what happened in that little rural town, my grandfather,

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