Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of

executive coaching tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the

way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel, your executive coach, and today

we're talking about handling feedback effectively. About three months into our coaching engagement, David transferred divisions.

His boss, Joanna, had initiated his coaching because she often felt he was overly cautious.

David's expertise was unique and she had wanted him to apply it more

independently and assertively. Now his new boss, Jay, was coming down hard on him, repeatedly

reining him in.

Jay's messages were, Check with me and include the group and Don't Be a Rogue.

Jay expressed his frustration to me. Not only did he want David to be more of a team player,

he wanted him to stop being so argumentative about the feedback.

David was caught in what I call the feedback paradox and his struggles were causing people

to experience him as defensive.

I felt pretty certain we could set this whole thing right by addressing both the paradox

and his responses. First, we looked at the feedback

paradox. We talked about what feedback is and what feedback isn't. I define

feedback as one person's experience of another person.

I liked what you said in that meeting is feedback.

You talk too fast, is feedback.

Your values don't align with the companies, is feedback. Your values don't align with the companies is feedback. None of those

statements are truth. They're just feedback, one person's experience of

another.

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