Hello, all you victims out there in Radio Land. It's me, the Gravefrieger, welcoming

you to the graveyard for a very special Halloween episode of Root Tales of Magic. Or should

I say, Blood Tales of Depravity? That's right, strapping. This episode will scare the

come out of you. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I was reading the wrong intro. That's for our very

special Patreon tier. This episode will scare the piss out of you. Still pretty scary.

Lady Liberty. The Big Apple. Take a bite. Crunch. Oh, no. Is that a worm? No. Worse. Half a worm.

For you see, you've eaten the other half of the worm. Just one of the gruesome and macabre

surprises that awaits you in the city that never sleeps. It's dusk now. Or as vampires

call it, Dawn, we open on a dark alley in downtown Astoria, Queens. A young woman is dressed

all in mesh and leather with heavy eye makeup. She stands outside a door in an alley surrounded

by trash. The twist. She's not young at all. She's actually 300 happy birthday. Or should

they say happy death day? You see, she is a vampire. She knocks lustily on the mental door.

An eye slot opens and two eyes with heavy eyeliner greet hers. What's the password? She smiles

revealing too long sharp canines. For you see, she is indeed a vampire. She whispers to air

as human to drink blood is vampire. The eyes look from side to side. No. That is the old

password. The new password is things that go bump in the night. She smiles sexily. Okay.

The eye slot closes and the door opens. We follow her in. For you see, we are invisible

and can just follow people around wherever. This is what is known as audience privilege. A

concept so obvious that I am the first to explain it. Perhaps we enter a large crowd and dimly

lit bar. Sisters of mercy plays over the speakers as all sorts of vampires mill about. Why,

if you didn't know any better, you'd think that this was a goth bar. Or perhaps the factory

where they assemble cure fans. But you do know better, wise as you are. You know that

...