Hi everyone, I'm Jackie Shimmel, writer and creator of Blog Turned, you know, best podcast

of all time, The Bitch Bible.

Sometimes when I look inward and I reflect on who I am just as a human being, three things

that I feel truly are identifiers personally are the following.

Cheesecake Factory, because I really honestly love it there.

Hashtag avocado egg rolls, hashtag stuffed mushrooms.

Second, my dog Gleeau, I love him more than any human being and literally have to hold

myself back from like straight up suffocating him.

A dream of mine personally is to just mallet him like a chicken paccata, put him in an empty

pillowcase, swing him over my head like a helicopter and just fucking throw him into a brick wall.

That's not evil, that's love.

It's like when you love something so much that you want to take it further, like hugging

and kissing him isn't enough, like I want to take it to the next level.

Peter, get at me.

The third thing that I feel truly identifies me as a human being is reality television.

I hang out with a lot of intellectual fuckheads that will argue that it perpetuates, I don't

know, stupidity or violence or it's anti-feminist to all those people, go fuck yourself.

Or in the words of Kristen Doedy, Doedy, Doedy, suck a dick.

Reality television is escapism.

It's a life tool in the way that you get to see people make colossal mistakes, none of

which are at your own expense and then you can learn from example, it's mindless, it's

fabulous, it's perfect.

...