Alright, welcome back to Women of Impact, if part 1 got under your skin and made you realise how deep these dangerous dynamics go, then just stick with me because part 2 is where we learnt to protect our hearts and our futures. Now we're getting into the evolution of truth about female and male infidelity and why mate value can actually save your life. We also talk about why our brains are wired for self sabotage and how you actually break that choose the wrong partner loop for good.

And then we talk about why our brains are wired for self sabotage and how you actually break the choose the wrong partner loop for good. And then we talk about something that I'm getting a little obsessed about which is the dark triad. Our point of war is how to spot the kind of patterns that can wreck your entire freaking life. Not just your heart. Ladies, this is about survival training for your mind, your power and your future. And if you want to stop repeating the past and build a life that actually is where your gut, your standards and your instincts come first, do not miss a second. So let's dive in right now right here on Women of Impact. I learned about Ted Bundy. I had to massive, I still have a massive fascination with crime. And so when I was in my teenage years, I read all the books on Ted Bundy. I had to, I still have a massive fascination with crime.

And so when I was in my teenage years,

I read all the books on Ted Bundy, The Green River Killer, and I just like would go into their strategies. Like even to the point where Ted Bundy would work on the, in the call center. Yeah. When people were worried about Ted Bundy coming off them, he would answer the phone. Like that's so sick. Yeah. and seeing the strategies, I just kind of absorbed and it was maybe 10 years ago, I was in a gas station in Virginia. So Tom was working, I dropped him off somewhere and I just had time to kill, I need to gas. So there's like one gas station in the middle of nowhere. I pull up, put in the gas and go into the store as I'm coming out, there's one other guy here there. and he's like, excuse me, excuse me, miss miss, can you mind helping me? I was like, no, what's the problem?

He goes, join getting... put in the gas and go into the store, as I'm coming out, there's one other guy there. And he's like, excuse me, excuse me,

Miss Miss, can you mind helping me?

I was like, no, what's the problem?

He goes, do you mind getting in the car and start in the engine? Fuck that shit. I literally, I just ran. Wow. Now look, I keep joking that the poor man may have just been like this innocent man and this woman is wanting to.

Now where's the risk?

Not worth the risk.

So when I think about the empathy that we women have,

going back to something you'd said before about,

birds of feather flots together, or what's the other one? Opposites abstract. When you're first meeting, there are a lot of extremely beautifully empathetic women that fall for your grandiose narcissist. Is that the opposite subtract moment? Yeah, exactly. And again, there is that promise of the future trajectory that any of those traits that I currently find objectionable, I will be able to alter in here. Right. And so again, I'm succumbing to the fundamental attribution error. This is not really part of his disposition. Maybe it's part of a situational thing. I can change him. And so once you remove that promise of a future trajectory and you listen to the red flag run the other way. Yeah. But by the way, there's a lot of gamesmanship in in courting, right? Should I call him first? Should I should he call me first? How many days should I wait before it happened? And so for all of your community of women, look for that authenticity. And I love that. I think the problem comes where you think they're being authentic. They say all the things. And so you believe them. And then you realize, unfortunately, usually after either 90 days or maybe even longer, three years, you start to see the true them. Once you start to see the true them, you've almost already fallen for them. So it's much harder to get out of that web. Do you think that most of the women are willfully shutting off those signals even though they see them? Or do you think that the guys are so good in their lives that actually it's invisible to them? So good. I think I would be naive to say it was only the men. It a thousand percent is us shutting things off. I think so too. And I don't think that we do it deliberately. I think it may come from childhood or abandonment issues. So that's why I do a lot of interviews also on like attachment styles and figuring out how you show up in a relationship. It just is sometimes somewhat easier, at least for me, and my current speed for myself, to say he was an asshole, then Lisa, you had 30 chances to leave, and you did, you walked out, you sand the door, you sand the phone, and yet you still went back. When I was insecure, it was easier for me to say that, then to take the ownership. But my life didn't truly change until I took the ownership and then started to spot the red flags. But even as an adult now, I have been manipulated, let's just say, in friendships. Yes. Some people they get to know you, they understand what you want, what you need, and then they use that as the car if you will. And part of the car that kind of going back to the Epstein stuff that I'm

hearing is they would use women's ambition as the law. So with Virginia Dufre, she said she wanted to be a masseuse. So they were like, oh, come on a private one. Like you can give a massage to Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton. So now as a young teenager, where you're like my dream is to be a masseuse, If I tell people that I have massage Bill Clinton, I can get any client I want.

Same with S-edness. He would also use that for what supposedly, again, allegedly right now, use that for models in order, like he would lure Victoria's secret over them. Like, oh, come in, be a model for me. So when someone starts to identify that draw, it's a people more susceptible because they younger. When you mentioned earlier, I took ownership and that's what allowed me to no longer be insecure and so on. So let me reframe it in psychological context. There's a related but different very powerful bias in psychology called the self-serving bias. The self-serving bias, and I'm going to link it to what you said about ownership. The self-serving bias is how do we attribute causality to our successes and failures in life? And most people attribute successes internally and failures externally. So I did really well on the exam, well, because I studied hard and I'm a smart person. I did very poorly on the exam because Professor Sad is an unfair asshole. So the problem with that though, is that oftentimes you're mis-itributing failures to external causes rather than to internal ones. And therefore, you don't learn from your experiences. So when you're saying, I took ownership. So let's suppose you had had four relationships prior to Tom, all of which had failed. And if in each of those cases you said to yourself, it's because of the guy, therefore, you could never learn from those experiences because you were home free. It was never because you fell for it because you didn't see the patterns and therefore you're very, by the way, that's what good therapy would do exactly what I just said, which is there is an independent third party who listens to your patterns and says, hey, did you not see these things?

But you're blind to them because you're succumbing to all these biases. And by the way, the ancient Greeks, and I mentioned this earlier too, my daughter, we went for a walk this morning, probably the most famous Delphic Maxim from the ancient Greeks says, no myself, right? Two words, right? it very simple, but it has stood the test of time because you can't grow if you don't turn it in words and say, when I did this, that's because of me versus that because of him. And so. It's almost like the self-fulfilling prophecy that you can't always get out of it and so you go hang on a minute. If I actually want things to change, I've done this

10 times, definition of sanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different

result. So that was when I was like, look, what do you want in life, Lisa? You've just spent eight

years having a life that you didn't ever dream of, that you never wanted, that you never asked for,

and yet you're still here. So what are you going to do differently? Eight years? I'm not doing anything. So what do you think if I may please? How were you able to turn that lens inward to then be able to do the auto corrections? I think it was over time because I'd spend eight years serving my husband, cooking, cleaning for him, thinking, being taught as a good, good, great woman does. Being an amazing wife. If you're amazing wife, then everything is going to come to you. Like God will be happy. So I just went in prioritizing is my husband happy. Is my husband happy? Is my husband happy? And after a year, he wasn't. I don't mind sacrificing, but sacrificing to something where he's not even happy. So that was the moment I said, baby, I love you, but now I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure if I'm not really sure if I'm not really sure if I'm not really sure if I'm not really sure. idea of question nutrition. With question nutrition he then turned to me as a wife saying, babe do you mind helping? As a good Greek wife, I was like, oh, so help. We grew at 57,000 percent. So I was like shipping bars for my living room for the one day to literally having an massive team, shipping out millions of dollars in inventory. It went so quickly that after maybe six months of just going on that path, I looked back and I was like, I did this, but I did this because I spoke up. I spoke up because I was unhappy. Oh, so when you're unhappy, you speak up, then you make a change, then you learn, you grow,

and so that became kind of a pattern. Amazing. So, but that shift had to come because I had to speak up. So, now, there's one thing I'd love to talk to you about. Anything. I don't know if you've heard recently this new thing in the society called Alpine Divorce. No. Now a pint of horses become this new,

entrapment CD CD, taxate, that unfortunate men are doing to women. So what a lot of people are doing is they're going on dates, or maybe even taking their wives. And they're like, let's go for a hike. They take them on a hike and they leave them at the peak. And that's their way of splitting up with them. And we're... So it's a form of ghosting, but through a hike. Correct. Or in the most horrendous circumstances. So not only are you heartbroken, you now have to find your way home, you don't have a car. Like they'll literally freaking take off. And it was, it got so bad that one point, I can't remember where it was, Maybe it was in Sweden somewhere where a guy left his literally freaking take off. And it was it got so bad that one point I can't

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