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The Bert Show

From The Vault: Why Is Every Pilates Instructor Like This?

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

Comedy, Entertainment News, News, Society & Culture

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 4 July 2025

⏱️ 12 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Quick question from our resident pilates princess Abby! Why are all pilates instructors like this?!

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Transcript

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0:00.0

I have noticed one very specific thing about Pilates instructors, and I finally went back to working out last week.

0:08.8

I feel like I've been bragging for the last couple of weeks that I'm like, I've stopped working out and I feel so much better, which isn't a lie.

0:15.3

I think I was just working out so, so much doing the classic high intensity type exercises that a lot of people get wrapped into. You kind of get addicted to the high of feeling like you just ran a triathlon every time you went, you go, you do the treadmill for 30 minutes, and then you go and you lift weight for 30 minutes, and you feel like you could do anything. Okay, now we're right in my strike zone right now. So Abby and I were having a conversation a couple of weeks ago and I got her this heart monitor because she does,

0:41.2

but she works out so much and she was getting frustrated. And your body doesn't know

0:46.0

one stress from another. It just knows it's stressed out. So if you're like Abby,

0:51.0

who is high value and always doing everything right, 110%. So if she's going to the gym, she's stressing her body out. She's got a very stressful job also. All your body knows is stress. It doesn't know where it's coming from. So you have to back off a little bit, which is very hard for a personality type like Abby, or it can really affect your health.

1:11.6

I know. And so I just wasn't seeing results. And so I was like, well, if I'm seeing the opposite results, I'd rather just get the same results and watch gossip girl reruns. Like for me, I would just rather do that. But for me, I just know that's not sustainable for me because I think at some point I'm going to go, I'm so lazy. What am sitting on this couch like I need to do something and then probably in a year old do the same thing being like

1:27.5

I was working out all the time and then nothing happened so I decided to switch from the classic high

1:31.4

intensity workouts even though I was trying to do them low intensity to Pilates because every girl I know

1:37.7

that does Pilates is hot and I was like I want to

1:43.4

look like that like I want your body there is one maybe you work out at this place right down the

1:46.8

road here there is one um like shopping center over by suprika that's where I go do hot yoga is it

1:51.7

yeah okay right there I I don't think it was designed this way, but there's Pilates, there's hot yoga, there's

1:59.0

massage, and every time you go or you drive by there, there are 50 tens out in the parking

2:06.9

lot going back to their car.

2:13.4

Oh, thanks.

2:14.8

For sure.

2:15.6

Really?

2:16.3

Yeah, dude should be lined up on the sidewalk on chairs, tailgames. It is the Milf strip mall. You can get a margarita from Super Rica. You can go do hot yoga. We've gotten smoothies down there before. So there literally is. There's yonder yoga. There's a grooming place. So you'll see some pets. you'll see a couple of dogs. And you might consider them tens to. I don't know. And then when you have a smoothie place, then there's a restaurant, a massage, like a foot massage place. And then there's stellar bodies. So it's like all right there. All the stock and Lulu Lemon is in that particular shopping center right there. So I'll be honest with you. I went to Pilates for the first time in three weeks. This is my first time working out almost a month, which is crazy for me. I just never take that kind of time off. I mean, the fact that I went on a vacation for a week and didn't work out was crazy for me. This is just like not something that computes with me. And then I kind of got back and I was like, oh, this is really addictive. This whole not doing anything thing. So I was a little nervous because I'm like, how much muscle have I lost? Because I haven't really eaten any protein. I've kind of just been eating Mike and Ikes for breakfast and trucking along. And so I was nervous because A, I've now joined a new gym

2:16.6

and B, I am not in the tip-top shape to where you want to impress your instructors.

3:07.9

And I say that because Pilates instructors are a very specific breed of woman.

3:31.5

And I want to make it very clear because I know some of the people that teach me Pilates

...

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