From Likable to Influential: The 3C Method [Social Intelligence Brief]

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 10 July 2025

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Do people like you… but never seem to respect you? In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak reveal the hidden social trap of being “too agreeable.” While it might seem like the best way to build rapport, research shows that excessive agreeableness actually suppresses your influence, erodes your authenticity, and leads to burnout. You’ll learn why likability isn’t the goal—and how the Three C Model (Challenge, Curiosity, and Contrast) can transform your conversations into memorable, high-impact interactions that demand attention and build real connection. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why being likable doesn't make you more influential [00:01:15] The hidden cost of being predictably agreeable: burnout and boredom [00:02:27] Why people won’t respect your time if you don’t value it first [00:04:00] Agreeableness suppresses authenticity—and makes others trust you less [00:04:37] The Harvard study: Why respectful disagreement builds stronger connection [00:06:28] The Three C Model for breaking free from the “nice” trap [00:07:13] How to challenge respectfully without sounding combative [00:07:55] Curiosity with intention: The secret to deepening conversations [00:08:21] Contrast with authenticity: Sharing personal truths to build influence [00:10:44] Why most people operate from a worldview they never chose [00:12:04] Mistake #3: Agreeing when you actually disagree [00:12:42] Likability ≠ connection—how hiding your thoughts delays rejection [00:13:08] What is “productive friction” and why it makes you unforgettable [00:13:54] Take the Influence Index assessment to uncover your social blind spots A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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0:49.7	Introducing our brand new song, Suzanne. Susan, I need you.
0:59.0	Ever walk out of a conversation and think, why didn't that go deeper? Did I just nod and
1:04.0	smile my way through it? Well, here's the problem. For many of us, we think that being
1:09.6	likable and agreeable makes us more influential and
1:13.3	charismatic. And actually, the science is clear. That is not true. Just by nodding and smiling along,
1:20.2	you are not increasing your charisma and you are certainly not becoming more influential. So today
1:25.0	we're going to talk about why we fall into this trap
1:28.6	and how to break free of being agreeable
1:30.8	to actually become more charismatic in conversation.
1:42.2	Now, most people think being liked is the secret to influence and that default being agreeable
1:48.1	will actually get you ahead.
1:49.6	And in fact, the hard truth is this might be exactly what's holding you back.
1:54.2	The science is quite clear.
1:55.9	Overly agreeable people are more likely to experience suppressed needs, poor boundaries, and burnout.
	...

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