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Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Friday 3.13.26

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.91.7K Ratings

🗓️ 13 March 2026

⏱️ 126 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Is Lazlo nervous about his kid traveling alone? Lazlo's pro people joining the manosphere. The guys talk about pooping (and masturbating) while traveling with your family. No matter how cool you are, your kids will always think you're a dork. Would you keep driving if you hit someone on an e-scooter? Lazlo HEAVILY disagrees with the proposed Kansas Law to get rid of phones in schools. Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

0:11.2

Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.

0:17.9

For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children.

0:23.6

And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt

0:31.0

to poison and destroy my brothers.

0:33.6

And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon me.

0:41.9

Ladies and gentlemen, the Church of Laslow has begun.

0:47.4

Yo!

0:48.5

Good morning. How the hell are you?

0:49.7

I'm great. How the hell are you?

0:51.1

Oh, never been better, man.

0:52.0

Yeah?

0:52.5

Everything all right.

0:53.2

You mean it?

1:45.3

Yeah, everything's all right. I mean, I've never been better. It's just okay. Yeah. I mean, I think it is, right? Yeah. Means you're alive, you're here. Who's got it better than us? Who's got it better than us? Most people. 85% of people. at least on this hallway. How was your thing yesterday? Oh, I'm good, man. You're good? Yeah, I guess you know. Nothing's stressing now? No, no, just my back sore, you know, that's it. Yeah. So it's going to be. It is what it is. I'm not dead. You're not dead, and there was no tragic news. There was not. You had to deal with. Couldn't sleep on. No. Good. The boys are good. Yeah, they're fine. Okay. My youngest left from New York. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are all getting along? For the most part. I mean, you know, they're teenagers.

1:48.1

Yeah, and you level on with them.

2:02.0

I can only imagine, like, you used to talk about when we worked with the woman who was a elementary school teacher and how, you know, because she spent her time around little kids all the time, she began to talk like them sometimes.

2:02.5

Sure. It was like, you know, or like, you know, I don't know. Can I use restroom? I don't know can use. Right, that kind of stuff. And then we'd come up in like conversations with adults and you're like, Jesus Christ. No, no, no, no, come on. But you knew where it was going from because it's what she was doing all day. But for you to be around...

2:16.7

The same thing of other jobs.

2:17.8

Prison guards act like prisoners.

2:19.3

Right.

2:19.5

That's the other thing you always use.

...

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