Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own rebirth many years ago

and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life lessons and revelations.

I believe in casual or clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose

because self-health doesn't have to be so complicated.

So John Gottman was someone who studied relationships, especially marriages, and he was able to tell by studying how people engage in their relationship if they were going to last and he had a

like a 97% or something ridiculous

percent rate of predicting the expiration of a relationship, predicting a divorce. And so he talks about the four horsemen and this is my greatest takeaway from him

and I think this is a super important because I think that we all do this to a certain

extent. This is probably one of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship.

So I want to go over them.

Ask yourself if you do them.

Ask yourself if your partner does them.

And it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed.

If these things exist in your relationship,

it's about detecting them.

It's about being aware of them and trying to change these patterns.

Now to a certain extent we all have done these things, right? It's not it's it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed or crippled,

but it's the pattern. It's a pattern of continually doing these things that will, you know, like a

virus will start eating at your relationship until your entire house of cards comes crumbling down.

So these things create cracks in your relationship. So let's go over them.

The first one is criticism. This is

a verbally attacking personality or character and it you know we it's okay to to give constructive criticism right like

...