Feedback vs. Nitpicking (If It's Yellow Let it Mellow) 5 | 13

Radical Candor: Communication at Work

Radical Candor

Careers, Relationships, Society & Culture, Business

4.7 • 740 Ratings

🗓️ 28 June 2023

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Kim, Jason and Amy discuss the difference between feedback and nitpicking. Kim says, "There is one rule of thumb that applies to criticism in general but is especially good advice when you’re really busy and nerves are frayed. It’s best summed up by advice a friend’s godfather gave her at her wedding. 'If it’s brown flush it down. If it’s yellow let it mellow.' She got married on an island with a poor septic system, and this was a sign by all the toilets. But as her godfather said, 'These are words to live by. If there’s a big stinking problem talk about it before it fouls your relationship. But if it’s a small thing, let it go.'"Go to the show notes >> Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, it's Amy Sandler, host of the Radical Canter Podcast, and we are so excited for this week's episode.
0:06.6	But before we jump in, we've got Jason Roseoff with a very cool update to share with you all.
0:13.8	As many of our intrepid listeners already know, Kim and I co-founded the company Radical Candor five years ago because we believe that radically candid communication is foundational for success at work and in everyday life.
0:25.1	Drum roll please and Radical Cander is thrilled to be a part of sessions by Masterclass
0:29.7	to bring this message to the millions of users who are already Masterclass members.
0:34.1	If you are not a Masterclass member, however, sign up using the link, masterclass.com
0:39.7	slash radical candor.
0:44.6	Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Radical Canter podcast. I'm Kim Scott, co-founder of Radical
0:51.3	Cander, and author of Radical Cander and Justin Park. I'm Jason Roseoff, CEO and co-founder of Radical Cander and author of Radical Cander and Justice Park.
0:55.5	I'm Jason Rosoff, CEO and co-founder of Radical Cander.
0:58.8	And I'm Amy Sandler, your host for the Radical Cander podcast.
1:02.6	And today, we have got a really interesting conversation ahead about the difference between feedback and knit-hicking. Kim, in the book, Radical Cander,
1:15.3	you write, quote, radical candor is also not an invitation to nitpick. Challenging people
1:22.2	directly takes real energy, not only from the people you're challenging, but from you as well. So do it only for
1:29.3	things that really matter. A good rule of thumb for any relationship is to leave three
1:35.8	unimportant things unsaid each day, end quote. Before we get into a definition of nitpicking,
1:43.8	Kim, is there anything that as you hear
1:46.6	me reading that few sentences that you would change or does it strike you, you have a different
1:52.9	relationship with that now? I think it's more important than ever. I mean, sort of for the same reason that people often will misuse radical candor as an
2:06.8	excuse to act like a jerk, they'll also think it means they have to start complaining about
2:12.6	everything all the time. And that is not, that is not radical candor. That is nitpicking, particular form of
2:19.6	obnoxious aggression. Nitty, cantor. Of obnoxious aggression. Oh, so that's actually, let me,
	...

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