Every, and I Mean EVERY Conversation Can Help You Grow - Holding the “Assertive Frame”

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.9 • 668 Ratings

🗓️ 17 August 2023

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Tony explains how every conversation and interaction with the right tools can be for your good. He discusses the importance of effective communication and understanding personal biases. Drawing an analogy from his experience with orange-tinted running sunglasses Tony received from an ultra marathon, he emphasized how our biases, much like the sunglasses, subtly color our perspectives. He introduced the four communication pillars as tools to understand others better and enhance conversations. These pillars include giving the benefit of the doubt, resisting the urge to tell somebody they’re wrong, seeking first to understand, staying engaged, and actively listening. Tony also touched on the challenges people face when seeking understanding, especially from leaders or advisors who might not genuinely listen to individual concerns. He stressed the importance of curiosity, open-mindedness, and ways for individuals to communicate their needs and feelings, “holding the assertive frame.” He shared his thoughts on healthy “assertive and nurturing” replacements for “masculine and feminine” concerning introducing polarity in relationships. Tony then explores the pitfalls of "playing the victim" and avoiding discomfort in conversations. He emphasized the importance of prioritizing genuine connection over ego and fear and highlighted the dangers of seeking validation through listing past good deeds. Recognizing our emotional responses as opportunities for self-growth and reflection was also discussed. Using practical examples, Tony illustrated how confronting personal biases and embracing vulnerability can foster deeper connections and mutual understanding. Ultimately, the podcast underscored the need for individuals to consistently practice effective communication, hold an assertive frame, and seek growth and authenticity in their interactions. And you can sign up for Mackie Overbay and Tony’s new podcast, “The Mind, The Mirror & Me,” at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me/id1701226687 To learn more about their project or make an investment, visit http://wefunder.com/toosoon and be a part of the change in independent filmmaking. You can find Jeff and Aurora on Instagram at the production company’s account @stnormajean as well as on their individual accounts @auroraflorence and @jeffdickamore and go check out the Dating After Death podcast Jeff and Aurora mentioned at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dating-after-death/id1614164834 To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorder Course is Open! Visit https://praxiscet.com/virtualcouch Inside ACT for Anxiety Disorders, Dr. Michael Twohig will teach you the industry-standard treatment used by anxiety-treatment experts around the world. Through 6 modules of clear instruction and clinical demonstrations, you will learn how to create opportunities for clients to practice psychological flexibility in the presence of anxiety. After completing the course material, you'll have a new, highly effective anxiety treatment tool that can be used with every anxiety-related disorder, from OCD to panic disorder to generalized anxiety disorder. And follow Tony on the Virtual Couch YouTube channel for a sneak preview of his upcoming podcast "Murder on the Couch," where True Crime meets therapy, co-hosted with his daughter Sydney. You can watch a pre-release clip here https://youtu.be/-RkRq8SrQy0 Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts. Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Transcript

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0:00.0	Okay, so I want you to imagine that you are running a race, and we're talking about a long one.
0:05.3	Maybe let's say an ultramarathon.
0:07.2	So I have run marathons, but over time, sometimes the passion takes you to greater distances.
0:13.2	So the ultramarathon is anything greater than the 26.2 mile distance.
0:17.2	You start with a nice 50K, maybe 32 miles, bump up to a 50-miler, then 100K, but then eventually
0:22.9	the Granddaddy, the 100-miler.
0:25.0	And my first 100-miler was the Rio Del Lago 100-miler, which was pretty much in my own backyard.
0:31.4	And among the many memories that I remember, and I treasure from that first race of 100 miles,
0:36.7	one stands out, but it has absolutely
0:38.9	nothing to do with its connection to running. But it was actually for the lesson that it taught me
0:43.8	about perception. Because in our pre-race goodie bags, we were all gifted these very sleek,
0:49.6	orange-tinted running sunglasses. And these are the kind of sunglasses that once you wore them,
0:55.5	they just became a part of you. They kind of fit like a glove and their light orange tint
1:00.1	made them very, very just comfortable to the eyes. And soon, you don't even realize that you
1:05.6	have them on. And I love them so much that as my running progressed, I started organizing a fundraising run around
1:12.5	the local high school track and it was to raise money for all the schools.
1:17.0	And I contacted the manufacturer and they gave me a lot of these glasses.
1:21.6	I mean, a lot of them.
1:22.7	And that first year that I did the 24-hour run, I gave away almost all of them.
1:27.3	But I also kept about a dozen
1:29.3	pair for myself. And I didn't even realize that that was, I don't know, it was over, over a 10 years
1:35.1	ago. And so now, only if you pair these. And so now, only one pair. And so now only a couple of pair of these orange tinted sunglasses remain.
	...

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