Esther Perel: The #1 Secret to Know if Your Chemistry Will Last & Why You’re Addicted to Your Ex
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.7 • 30.5K Ratings
🗓️ 15 January 2024
⏱️ 100 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Do you want to know the secret to know if your chemistry will last?
Are you wondering why you can't move on from your ex?
If you have questions about love and relationships, this episode is for you. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is back. Esther is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Esther’s TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts.
If you've ever wondered when a relationship is worth saving or why we grieve after a breakup, Esther has incredible insights to share that you can apply to your own relationship. Let's discover the power of accountability in relationships and how it can trigger positive change. We discuss the art of turning conflict into connection. Also, we uncover the negative effects of losing curiosity and how it impacts our connections.
The conversation also fearlessly tackles the topics of betrayal, lack of trust, and the intersection of relationships, technology, and mental health. Get ready for a fascinating exploration of the narratives that shape our relationships, the dynamics between rationalists and romantics, and what truly makes a real relationship.
In this interview, you’ll learn:
How to turn conflicts into genuine connection
Why relationships often fail
How to save your correct relationship
What to do after a breakup
How to boost trust and confidence in a relationship
It is truly a thought-provoking and heartfelt journey into the essence of human connection.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Thank you to Soho Works 10 Jay in Dumbo for hosting us for this episode.
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
02:12 When is a Relationship Worth Saving?
03:51 Why Do We Grieve After a Breakup?
05:14 Accountability in Relationships Can Trigger Change
10:00 How to Turn Conflict Into Connection
14:10 People Try to Overcome Fear by Gaining Control
17:14 The Negative Effects of the Loss of Curiosity
22:09 Blaming the Other Doesn’t Solve Anything
27:21 How to Make Your Partner Feel Important
29:10 Other Mediums to Express What You’re Unable to Say
36:01 Do New Things Together
38:08 There are Lingering Feelings that Stays Even After Breakup
41:53 We All Fear Betrayal and Lack of Trust
43:35 How to Value and Protect Your Relationship
50:50 The Real Story Before and After Betrayal
55:33 The Intersection of Relationships, Technology, and Mental Health
01:01:50 The False Relationship Narrative that Failed us
01:04:22 The Rationalists and the Romantics
01:06:23 What Makes for a Real Relationship?
01:10:04 Diversifying Long-Term Relationships
01:15:55 Your Partner’s Opinion Matters
01:21:11 The Real Definition of Self Confidence
01:24:59 We Are Drawn to People We Don’t Want to Become
01:28:03 Where Should We Begin A Game of Stories with Esther Perel
Episode Resources:
Esther Perel | Website
Esther Perel | Twitter
Esther Perel | Instagram
Esther Perel | YouTube
Esther Perel | Facebook
Esther Perel | Books
Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hi, Jennifer Lopez here with the new season of my over comfort podcast. |
| 0:04.1 | What's over comfort all about? It's about inspiring confidence in all of us and choosing |
| 0:08.6 | calling over comfort. Every Tuesday I'll be having real and honest conversations. |
| 0:13.0 | You'll hear it from me first before any Cheeseman hits your social media feed. |
| 0:17.0 | Join me as I create a space where opening up is not only okay, it's encouraged. |
| 0:22.0 | Listen to Over Comfort Podcast with Jennifer Lopez on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, |
| 0:27.0 | or wherever you get your podcast. |
| 0:29.0 | Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets. |
| 0:33.7 | What happens when the person you idolize turns out to be someone else entirely? |
| 0:38.5 | And what if you were kidnapped by your own grandparents and left with an endless well of mysteries about |
| 0:44.4 | yourself and those around you. These are just a few extraordinary puzzles we'll |
| 0:48.6 | be exploring in our ninth season of family secrets. I hope you'll join me and my astonishing guests for this |
| 0:54.2 | new season of family secrets on the I-Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get |
| 0:59.0 | your podcasts. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea |
| 1:05.3 | lovers out there and even if you don't love tea if you love refreshing rejuvenating |
| 1:10.0 | refuelling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. |
| 1:13.7 | Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juney sparkling tea with adaptogens for you |
| 1:20.0 | because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience |
| 1:24.4 | calmness of mind a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day. |
| 1:29.6 | Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like |
| 1:35.0 | superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. |
| 1:40.3 | Our super five blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwaganda, |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from iHeartPodcasts, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of iHeartPodcasts and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.

