Hello, everyone and welcome to the Bitch Bible podcast, spreading joy since 2013.

I'm so sorry if you're watching the video again. I just, I'm sorry. I can't get this room together. I can't get it together. I need to. It's arbitrarily the most important aesthetic room in the house because this is where I record. But Andrew has left me for dead. He's in London. I'm solo parenting and I'm fucking over it.

Jackie, how long has it been?

Thank you so much for asking 36 hours and I'm ready to torch the house.

Firstly, if you're wondering why I'm all dressed up with a pink sweater draped on my shoulders,

it's because I'm about to go to a headstone unveiling. So,

whew! Dreams do come true on a Friday. Um, three days ago, approximately, I would say,

63 hours ago, my weave was removed from my head so that I could touch up my extensions.

I feel like all the girlies are going brunette

and everyone looks so good. And I go back and forth whether I'm going to jump on the brunette

bandwagon, but I just, I'm staying strong with my convictions of self and I have to have

blonde hair. You know, brawned I've done.

I likey.

I also always kind of have a grown-out root, very inland empire chic.

And I'm just, I'm not doing it.

So in order to maintain a fresh highlight, I'd remove said weave, which was honestly hanging on for

dear life. I got a little gust of wind. I took Clyde down to Malibu, and it was very windy.

And the track of hair on my head took off like a fucking kite on the beach. Okay. Like it was

flying out of my fucking head.

And I was like, you know, maybe we take a little break. And then I thought, maybe I don't need a weave.

I feel like a bald rat. I feel like somebody get me a hunk of Yarlesburg. And let's whittle these two front teeth because I am a goddamn rat.

Somebody go to Home Depot and get the fucking traps and call the exterminator because

...