I'm coming for all of you.

For all of you.

Right now there's a 15-year-old-old Right now there's a 15-year-old sophomore in high school who has no idea they're studying nursing

just so they can wipe my ass in 17 years i'm 50 and single that's a fantastic combination

i'm going to spend my golden years dating a handful of spit and a jug of astroglyde.

Hey, what's happened?

I'm Mike Schmidt, 40-year-old boy podcast.

I'm still trying to get the hang of how close to beat the microphone.

Close?

This is close.

And then I go back here and I think I'm normal.

You'd think after 10 fucking years, I would have an idea of exactly where to put my fucking mouth, right? Wouldn't you think that would be something that would have on the list? That would be top of the things I'd learned in 10 goddamn years exactly where to put my

mouth when it comes to the microphone. So you can hear me because I mean, if I get this close,

because here's the thing, I'm more comfortable this close. I absolutely love being this close. But then

I feel like you can hear every fucking drop a spit rolling around on my goddamn mouth, and sometimes my stomach joins the party and makes a little noise, and you got to hear that as well. But if I sit back here, I think I'm okay too, but then I look

in the red lines aren't exactly picking me up the way that I thought they should be, and then I don't

know if you're going to be able to hear me, so then I try to split the difference to come over to fucking dumb. Again, after 10 years, not only would I have this stuff locked down, but I wouldn't

bother you with it on the fucking show, right? Wouldn't this be something I talk about off the air?

Or not off the air. I guess off the air, but I wouldn't talk about it. Who am I going to talk to

about it? My neighbors? Hey, let me, come on in. Check out this microphone technique.

You know, check the technique, as our friends Eric B and Rakim would say.

Actually, Rakim would not say it. Only Eric B would say it.

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