I'm coming for all of you.

For all of you.

Right now there's a 15-year-old-old Right now there's a 15-year-old sophomore in high school who has no idea they're studying nursing

just so they can wipe my ass in 17 years i'm 50 and single that's a fantastic combination

i'm going to spend my golden years dating a handful of spit and a jug of astrolide

hey what's happened at mike smith's 40-year-old boy podcast i'm going to say this folks to start my golden years dating a handful of spit and a jug of astroglide.

Hey, what's happened at Mike Schmidt's 40-year-old boy podcast?

I'm going to say this, folks, to start the show.

Hey, Rory, how are you?

Now, do I think Rory's listening at all?

Do I think he'll ever hear me say those words on this show?

Absolutely fucking not.

There's no way Rory's tuning in to check that out. However, I told him I would say it, and now I am not a liar. God damn it. Because here's what happens sometimes, folks, in your life, when you're a, you know,

a Uber driver by night, but a podcasting superstar by, fuck, I couldn't even say it, a podcasting

superstar by day. Inevitably, you'll get people in your car and they'll sit down and they'll be like, hey, hi, and I'll go hi, and then I'll give them the speech about the heat and the air conditioning and the windows,

and then I'll tell them if they want to change the radio or the music, and then it's a small

percentage, but there's certainly a percentage every single night of people who go, hey, you have

a radio voice. You should work in radio. And of course, my standard answer to that is, well, you should tell this town. Please, feel free to call a captain of show business and tell him that you've got that radio guy

right here in the car. And not radio, by the way. I don't want to work in radio. I mean, I would.

Fuck that. Of course I would. Because I'll tell you what, don't think that I don't drive around

all the fucking time listening to radio, satellite radio, certainly, but still radio. And I think to myself, I could

fucking do that. Like, even talk radio, like ESPN and all that kind of shit, dude, just get me in

...