I'm coming for all of you.

For all of you.

Right now there's a 15-year-old sophomore in high school who has no idea they're studying nursing just so they can wipe my ass in 17 years.

I'm 50 and single.

That's a fantastic combination.

I'm going to spend my golden years dating a handful of spit and a jug of astroglyde.

Hey, what's happened? Mike Schmidt's 40-year-old boy podcast. Can you, can you, can you smell

that? What's it? Hey, it, uh, it smells like Thursday in here, doesn't it? I think it smells like

Thursday. Can you tell yourself it's, well, I mean, it smells like Thursday by me. Why? Because

I'm recording this on a goddamn Thursday when it'm supposed to come out on a goddamn Thursday. So by you, it probably just smells like Friday.

Because apparently I assume everybody listens to the show the second it fucking comes out.

That's not the case.

You guys are putting this off.

It could, you know what?

It might smell like Monday.

It could smell like Tuesday by you.

And I'll tell you what, who don't like Mondays because you love them.

I know you do.

But I know that the Boomtown rats certainly don't.

Why?

Because the silicon chip inside their head is switched to overload.

And no one's going to go to school today. and punched John in the face. Don't you wish he would have killed John? Don't you wish he would have killed Odie?

...