I'm coming for all of you.

For all of you.

Right now there's a 15-year-old sophomore in high school who has no idea they're studying nursing just so they can wipe my ass in 17 years.

I'm 50 and single.

That's a fantastic combination.

I'm going to spend my golden years dating a handful of spit and a jug of astrolide.

Hey, what's happening at Mike Schmidt?

40-year-old boy podcast.

Look at that smoothly rolling off the tongue as I've been saying it for 10 years, which I have.

And you guys listen to it for over 10 years and thought to yourself, I love the way he opens

this show with that, hey, there, what's happened to Mike Schmidt thing?

Is that how I open it?

Hey, there?

No, it's a, hey, what's happening?

There's no there and there?

I literally, in nine seconds, I forgot how I opened the show for 10 years and telling

you how much you listen to it and how much you enjoy it and imitating you enjoying it.

I went ahead and screwed it up by throwing a there and there.

And as Gertrude Stein will tell you, there is no there there. And as Gertrude Stein will tell you, there is no there there. I don't know why I would put

it in there, friends of mine in Oakland. I've been to Oakland. I liked it. I enjoyed Oakland. I

wrote the BART through Oakland and looked out at the rubble and thought to myself, you know,

someday this hellscape we call Earth is going to look like Oakland. Oakland's just ahead of the curve, man. It's not a hole. Oakland's not a place that's been destroyed. Oakland's not a place that's just waiting for a bulldozer. No, not at all.

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